to add here. Winter is here and along with it the need to get outside in the sun. Some days if I get the urge I will go out on the patio where the sun creeps in and stand in it. I truly miss my social club days. I can't wait for them to open back up.

Have been seeing Brandon every day. He is part of my 'covid bubble'. I have seen my princess a couple of times during this and my ex Aunt in law once. I still have their Christmas gifts. Yay Christmas is over. Jared's birthday at the end of the month now then I will be free for a while.

Have to call on taxes today. I think I forgot to file a hardship exemption for last year's taxes. I am so screwed on my taxes. I am going to have to move or get a job.

Just really depressed and I know most of it is situational. What the heck do you do when it is situational but you can't change your situation. This is where my docs would all tell me to start meditation. So what, I meditate but nothing changes. I need financial help. Meditation cannot help me with that. If I could get back taxes paid I would feel so much better. If taxes were caught up I could keep up. Right now I am flailing, financially and mentally. I would love to win the lotto but I can't afford to be throwing money away like that to even play. I need about $400 more a month to be able to stay afloat. I know if I work I will lose my disability status. That's $800 a month gone. That means I would have to work full time and there is no way I could do that. I am stuck. I can't afford to move, it would be the same no matter where I go. I need a work from home job.