"I started to feel like a broken person and I began to lose all hope." and I felt it. Therefore I am stuck doing nothing. I am broken. I am tired. I am depressed no matter whether I accomplish anything or not. Do I get any satisfaction from completing projects? Yes. But it is short lived because every undone thing comes crashing in. They nag me, "why can't you do this or that". I have important stuff that needs tending to. This car thing is killing me. I am desperate to get out. Peopling is exhausting but a person has to in order to survive emotionally. I am consumed by thoughts of quitting smoking and it is driving me mad. I cry about it, often while I am stuffing a cigarette. I feel like a damn junkie. I am disappointing Jared I know. He is ready for me to quit smoking also. I am going to start addressing that and am setting a quit date of the first. That gives me time to get through the damn holidays. It will also mark my clean and sober date to 20 yrs. I don't know how that works with the MMJ but at least it's not crack. I am tired