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  • Beader
    replied
    Dear Immy,

    Whoa! From those pix I can tell you must be one Hot Mama! Dancing in the ruched boots -- what a dream. I'll have to live out my dance fantasies thru you and your hustle. I used to have one little group of friends who took -- wait for it -- TANGO lessons! Then they got to buy the sexy accessories, the loong earrings with all the motion when you moved, the dancer heels, etc. Jealous much? No, not me. :ambivalence:

    I can understand why you might not want to wear the new sandals in the snow, but they are very peekaboo hot. IMHO serious social dancing requires a strap so that you don't turn your ankle and ruin the evening as well as your foot with all the new moves and impossibly difficult steps you've mastered. Plus the dips. Not good to play Cinderella when somebody dips you and makes you want to swoon anyway. Also not good when somebody drops you because they were either too drunk or the cement floor was too uneven -- don't know which. Cement floor = not a fun place to land when you have no way to recover your balance because you've just placed your trust in some dude who claims to be able to dance. But that was decades ago in another time and another life. Also when I was young enough that men were still trying to impress me with their dance moves. Now they're old and creaky/cranky and nobody but the women want to dance at weddings. Bah humbug to olde farts!

    Back to the shoe obsession. I think I've narrowed it down to five: one dressy silver low, one dressy black strappy heel, one red tailored mule with detailing, one black suede mule with scrollwork, one denim shade mesh summer mule. Middle three on sale. Yesterday I started walking around the house in my dress shoes to see what was still comfortable with the bad bone spur right near where dress shoes cut across the instep. One navy Clarks Mary Janes not working till after foot surgery. I have to practice more with the Aravon low heels to see if my back can tolerate the forward angle. Keen brick cut-out MJs doing OK, but brick does not go with everything. Now it suddenly turns out that I have two dressy events coming up soon: arts council wine tasting dinner with sdq BF, and community dressy event of the year movable feast gourmet dinner. Ooo my!

    So let's find out if I can do this. Sexy silver Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... with what looks like a flexible edge over the instep. Black suede with scrollwork Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register.... Red tailored with detailing Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register.... Strappy heels Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... AND denimy summer shoes I definitely wear Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... BUT not on sale, maybe never on sale, and not quite summer yet. Maybe can wait?

    Phew! Somehow I wasn't doing that quite right and it was tedious to paste up. I desperately need to improve certain of my computer not-skills.

    Jeannie, you're so sweet for saying what you did. I have much to be grateful for, including my creativity and arts and crafts work. Thank you for reminding me. I didn't realize that you can't drive, which must be more of a headache than I can ever imagine. You certainly wouldn't be able to function out here in the boonies without a car, and even with one, everywhere is a long haul. But the surrounding are beautiful even if I still can't see them so well.

    HUGS back!
    Sher
    Last edited by Beader; 02-18-2012, 10:02 AM.

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  • tic chick
    replied
    imeldessa,

    i sense the frustration, i have been there...not QUITE 12 pairs on my wish list, but maybe 3. we MUST find a way to narrow this down.

    okay, i think you have to visualize your wardrobe and where you could possibly wear these lovely sounding shoes. now silver is a very nice and hip color right now and it goes with EVERYTHING, plus it's a seasonless color. BUT, your favorite brand in a summery shoe. and denim...which you lurrrrrrrve~! i think it is better to get one pair of shoes you absolutely love then 3 or 4 that might be less expensive, but don't make you feel like the cinderella you are. could you possibly put up a link for both shoes so i can help you with this heady decision? then we will edit them out so other's do not get the same pair, cause i HATE to go to a party and see another woman wearing the SAME PAIR of shoes that i have on!

    the dansko's i just bought are summer shoes, sandal slides. and oh! they turned out to be the color "chino" which is a kind of olive green...which i loved even more than the brown i thought they were when i bought them. here in detwah we only wear sandals from june through september, if it stays warm. i don't think i could dance in these shoes...at least not the hustle. but i DO have a pair of slouch ankle boots which i WILL wear once i get these hustle dances down pat. this one lady, who is my hero at the hustle class, wears tall boots with HEELS while dancing. i admire the heck out of her cause she also looks like she's in her mid to late 60's.

    this is the dansko shoe: Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... the color in this pic is TOO light...they are definitely an olive green...think olives!)

    these are my slouch boots and they are comfy!: Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... i love the way the adjustable ties on the side make the ruched cuff. i have a denim skirt i will wear them with, but i need a pair of straighter-legged jeans to be able to tuck inside the boots. (oh, i got the boots when they came out and with a sale and discount on that brand that weekend, i got them for $99!).

    imma, i really empathize with you about choosing shoes. it's the food equivalent of choosing which flavor of eddy's ice cream i want when i'm in front of them and they are on sale at meijer. today i got key lime pie, my ab fab!

    sher , we all have to accept our limitations, whatever they be. i will never be able to drive because of my ocd. this causes me, at the least, extreme problems if i have to go somewhere far because i have to get someone to drive me. i have children and the separated from husband, but when he goes i will be down to one son who lives at home. i walk A LOT, now that i have a bike i will expand my radius in the summer.

    i can see you are a talented person. i am a craft klutz. the only thing i can seem to handle are flowers. i can make lovely living arrangements in plantars and gardens. i couldn't draw a straight line with a ruler. celebrate your gifts! minimize and accept your limitations. no one can do everything either because of physical or other inability.

    (((hugs))),
    immy
    Last edited by tic chick; 02-18-2012, 10:33 AM.

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  • Beader
    replied
    Uh oh. I'm feeling kind of naughty after visiting one of those shoe sites. My favorite doc who I've known for twenty years was showing me her shoes, clogs with backs in a snakeskin pattern. They're her most comfortable pair, but they're brownish and she can't wear them with everything, she'd like another color. I reminded her of my favorite site plus the fact that shoe companies often discontinue certain styles after a while, so she definitely should order another color before they disappear. I was saying Dansko, but she was saying something like "Sangria", so I had to go check.

    Bad move. Now I have like twelve pairs on my Wish List, maybe half on sale or clearance. Many of those only have "one left in stock, so order soon!" :ambivalence: Ay yi yi. I absolutely covet one dressy pair that's fairly flat in a silvery leather -- mules with a very cool disc-like strap. Plus they have my top brand in a mesh summery shoe in Denim Blue! I lurve denim. I've had three pairs of those shoes and only one pair left that's wearable. **gnashing of teeth**

    Imeldette, have you worn your new babies yet when you've gone out dancing? How I wish I could still dance and not keel over from the pain all too soon. Not glue my feet to the floor because aerobic exercise turns me into a Martian as I hit the proverbial wall and switch to anaerobic immediately? Not fair, god, not fair!

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  • Beader
    replied
    O Dear Immy,

    Well, we had such high hopes for you, but one fall from grace... Let's just say that we pray that it does not start a dangerous trend, a downward spiral as it were. The shoes do sound cute as a button, and we know that you shopped for a Very Good Price for a Dansko! The question is -- do you feel better now? Happy? Or guilty? Or so pleased that you want to roll on the floor with them and rub them all over? I'll let you decide.

    It's funny that our mothers' behaviors were so opposite and yet we ended up with the same buying compulsions. Yours ignored you and your very real needs to the point of broken shoes. I believe you take the Cinderella Prize on that one!

    Mine indulged me and her fantasies of the Perfect Child, who obviously was my sister! Maybe she felt like she had to make it up to me, her blatant favoritism, just a little? BTW I still go barefoot as often as possible -- by preference. And I think I must have had a recent Asian past life, because I always take off my shoes when I enter a house, any house, and stack them neatly in a row by the door.

    The BRA Issue??? OMG, the horror, the humiliation. Mom can't talk about sex or anything remotely related to it. So a First Bra is gonna be a huge traumatic deal, certain to raise all sorts of phobic issues. Which it did.

    Good on you for losing 92 pounds! Bravo! My one friend went on a liquid diet in a hopital out-patient setting. Other friends didn't see her for quite a while and were astonished at her weight loss. "How much DID you lose?" was always the question. "Ooo, three hundred pounds", she'd say demurely. "Three HUNDRED?!" would invariably be the reply. "Yeah, one hundred and twenty-five from my side of the bed, and a hundred and seventy-five from his side!" she'd laugh.

    I heartily agree with you that we are the people we've become due to our past experiences, good and bad. They nuance us.

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  • tic chick
    replied
    okay...

    so i saw a pair of shoes on ebay the day before yesterday. really pretty brown leather sandals with a flowery design on the instep. they were dansko shoes and this model sells at about $110 online. the shoes were brand new, in their original box and $44. they have 2 inch heels and a one inch platform in front. i thought about them all freaking day. i bought them....yes, i did.

    mea culpa,
    imeldtette (jeannie)

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  • tic chick
    replied
    IMELDESSA!!!!!!

    lmao...so good to finally meet you ! i've heard SO MUCH about you, especially from the woman who adopted me, who happened to be the black-sheep-of-the-family twin to, yes...YOUR MOTHER !

    well, i have no foot problems so i don't buy special comfort shoes, but i do buy shoes for comfort. i attribute this fortunate set of circumstances to the fact that much of the time during the warm weather months of my childhood i went barefoot because my mother lacked the necessary mental accuity to realize children had feet and needed shoes. i have very few shoes with higher heels and the ones i do have are only 2 inchers. i will pm you some good websites for those expensive shoes .

    my mother loved to shop, also. unfortunately, she never bought ME anything i needed. boots, hats, mittens, scarves for winter...nope i didn't have them. a bra when i was obviously mature and an older girl at school had to tell me i needed one ? nope, mom was oblivious to me. the only part of my body she recognized was my brain, which was the holder of all her problems. how could i tell a mother my problems, e.g. strange tics, girls telling me i needed a bra, the fact that i only had one pair of shoes...when she was so clueless as to her own angst? and then two incidents i remember where the heel on my shoe broke at a critical point. once in 8th grade when i went on a 5 day school camping trip and i had to borrow a pair of tennis shoes from a girl i didn't know. the second when i was a senior in high school and we went on a day long class trip and the heel of my shoe broke and i walked half the day limping until i just thought, "screw this", and i broke the heel off the other shoe. fast forward to 2007, i lost 92 pounds and the interest of my husband and the shoe buying started (i have kept off the weight and got rid of the husband last october ). both my parents worked, so my parents didn't lack the money either, just the common sense.

    imeldessa...i am sorry you have had to go through this childhood angst also. however, it bears to mention that everything we have genetically and behaviorally inherited has made us the people we are today. and you are right, not all differences are negative. i don't know who i would be today if i hadn't gone through what i did the past 56 years of my life. i like the me i turned out to be today. not perfect, but good enough.

    ...and let's not ever talk about ebay, ok ?

    yes, it's also nice to have met another wonderfully obsessive/compulsive partner in shoe-buying. i look forward to more interesting conversations with you !

    imeldtette
    Last edited by tic chick; 01-31-2012, 07:30 PM.

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  • Beader
    replied
    Separated at Birth

    Hi Imeldtette!

    I am your long-lost twin, Imeldessa! :angel: You made me count and I discovered that I have over sixty [60] pairs of shoes which I believe may currently fit. I think. Lots of planets in Pisces, which rules the feet. CFS, chronic pain, menopause have all taken their toll on my once beautiful tootsies, which now require acres of arch support and other ministrations. Having the right shoes means you can last longer in the day without crying and dropping to your knees or collapsing onto the store's not-so-clean floor. I've finally found The Brand which works for me and I scout them out in all shapes, colors, and seasons. They rarely go on sale because they're a specialty comfort shoe and command a pretty high price [no, not THAT high].

    All those foot changes mean that shoes I bought maybe five years ago no longer fit and must be given away! A bone spur on top means that certain shapes on top cut into the bump which shall remain until surgery is overdue. So some of my treasures most probably do not currently fit the foot I've curently got. Make sense?

    All of this navel-gazing has sent me on a journey to investigate the WHY. If I unfocus my eyes and my brain, the thought which jumps to the forefront is that shopping was the one and only hobby my mother and I actually shared. She was a hypercritical woman who never got her real mental illness eval and she was exremely tough on the kids, me especially. I belive she had severe post-partum depression which did not allow her to bond with me as an infant, a child. Consequently, not so good with the positive mothering skills. However, I think she enjoyed dressing me up [the doll thing], so shopping was a family adventure and coming home with the loot became a fashion show for the rest of the household. Yeah, probably one of the few experiences which did not involve major criticism from her, altho' her mother would always have two cents to add about how hemlines were now coming down or some other grandmotherly non-insight of disapproval.

    So this brings me to figuring out why shopping still gives me a bit of a high, altho' I'm not entirely sure whether it's on the complusive spectrum or the manic. Money was generally never an issue for my family, but now that the older generation is gone and I'm disabled, it has become a major form of torture for me. I can easily talk about sex and death, but definitely not money. I'm hyperventilating just thinking about it now. So more contemplation on that later.

    Yes, Jeannie, it's been a pleasure to meet you and to begin to get to know you. Not all differences are negative, some just bring out your highlights and add colors to your own palette.

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  • Ponygirl
    replied
    I watch because,.......................................... ..........................

    the mental- health field is my passion! I lose it because, it's horrible, that, a person could become
    that, mentally, unstable. At least, *I*, think, so???

    Phyllis

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  • Beader
    replied
    Hi Ponygirl,

    Which show do you tune in to? There seem to be quite an assortment these days, most of them extreme. And if you "lose it" whenever you watch, then why do you keep watching? Are you a hoarder in real life or do you just feel sorry for the folks who have to "lose it" when it's their turn to empty their house? I mean, they lose their cool as well as losing their collectibles and other trash.

    Come to think of it, there was a show devoted to serious OCD running for a while. They'd generally focus on two patients per hour and start with home videos of their complusive behaviors. Man, it was hard to believe what damage people could do to themselves when their brains weren't wired right. Then the show brought in behavior mod therapists who worked with the patients, and we got to view their progress or lack of same. I felt so bad for the clients that I'd be beside my self for most of the hour. Some patients were literally torturing themselves -- you could see in their eyes that they didn't really understand why nor could they stop themselves from continuing their patterns. So some of the therapy might focus on WHY, but often it was more about redirecting the energy and aversion. It was a grand relief to get to the end of the hour and be able to celebrate with the success stories, except not all were successful, which was truly heartbreaking.

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  • Ponygirl
    replied
    Beader, I've posted about this program, before, but, no one, has responded. I watch that program,
    * religiously*!! I lose it, every time!!:(

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  • tic chick
    replied
    hi sher!

    wow! a color specialist! i love color, too. before i paint a wall a color has to speak to me. how brave to paint a wall two colors, though! that does require a good eye.

    hmmmm...now more starts coming out. et tu painting equipment?

    okay, i will throw out another compulsion here, too. i have over 30 pairs of shoes. i have compulsively bought them over the last 5 years. i have had more than that though, cause some shoes i have thrown away because they've worn out. but right now, my collection stands at about that number. i'm not in the same league as imelda marcos, but if anyone has more than 30 pairs of shoes, please tell me so i won't feel so all alone .

    i know where my shoe buying compulsion came from. i also know where my over-eating compulsion came from. the box thing started with the idea of moving, but got out of hand and i don't know why. so, i think something you remember as a child or something that happenes to you triggers a compulsion to start a compulsive behavior...cause i think we all have the genetic basis for it, but we all obsess and become compulsive over different things.

    so sher, prolly your compulsions and obsessive behavior come partially from being raised by the parent's you had and partially something genetic. i did see a preview of that hoarding show a few year's back. if you need to make a path through your house to get from room to room because of all the stuff you have, you are in trouble. same as pati's friend too, if you buy stuff just to buy. retail therapy is not for people with ocd!

    and those boxes...a few years ago, my young neighbors were being evicted from the house that they rented. they found out that day at 5pm and had to be out by the end of the day. i went downstairs and i started bringing up my beloved boxes for them to pack stuff in. they were just so grateful and i slowly started to ease up on the box saving. i lost the excess weight i was carrying since i was about 35. my compulsive shoe buying started 5 years ago, an all around stressful time in my life. now that i understand why i did it, i'm beginning to ease up on the spontaneous shoe buying. now i think twice and a third time before i buy a pair of shoes.

    so, there is hope. i think self-knowledge is such a great power to harness. if you know, understand and accept yourself and your ocd, you can start to make little changes that will possibly get rid of the worst of your behaviors.

    thanks for rejoining this forum, sher. it's nice to talk about some of the things that i don't usually talk about because i feel you understand that...

    yes i'm different.jpg ...but then we all are

    jeannie
    Last edited by Moderator #7; 01-30-2012, 08:19 AM.

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  • Buttons2
    replied
    I admit I used to watch "Clean House" & I thought to myself it was rather phoney. entertainment comes in lots of wacky TV shows these days. I still watch HGTV cause it takes me away from my real life,I do learn about the latest things out there,and I've always had an avid interest in decorating.

    now Sher I would not consider one room full of jewelry/beads to make you a hoarder. same with a basement full of boxes. I know someone that hoards & it's rather pathetic. she's addicted to buying stuff she doesn't need & collecting so much stuff it's obvious she is trying to fill a void in her life.

    well none of us are perfect right?

    I say live & let live with the exception of people that hoard cats or dogs. the animals suffer & that makes me sick.

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  • Beader
    replied
    i don't watch those kind of shows. there is a new one starting next week called something like, "my 600 pound life". i will not watch a show where someone is paid to reveal their private misery for public consumption
    Watching that kind of TV crap can get kind of compulsive too, like high sugar snacks or addictive potato chips -- bad for you and empty calories too. I've temporarily gotten hooked on some exploitative shows, like Ruby, but then she sank her own ship anyway. When I was preparing my old house for sale and then moving into my new one, I began watching HGTV round the clock. Colors! New products! Fancy schmancy ways to fix the problems in your house OR really cheap ways to half-way fix them so they at least look better! I was sooo hooked. OTOH I love color and have improved my house-fixing skills considerably over the past 3 years. I now have a full supply of painting equipment that would put Sherwin-Williams to shame. Maybe I inherited my love for collecting tools from my Dad?

    But my new house is a beauty to behold in its beachy seaside style with a different shade on every wall, sometimes two. I even had my contractor consult with me for a color he needed in another house where the master bedroom had to subtly coordinate and I was the only one he knew who did what I do. I would have lost that poopy brown in the bathroom, tho'. Some shades are just not meant to be smeared on walls IMO.

    If both my parents were packrats, is that what my future has in store?

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  • Beader
    replied
    Hi Jeannie,

    I have to laugh about the boxes. My best friend went from living on Social Security since her father died when she was 14 to marrying a millionaire from a millionaire family. I'd go to visit her in Chicago along with other friends and family out there. One day she hesitantly confessed to saving brown paper bags from grocery stores -- because "they come in handy" for other things. She was clearly somewhat embarrassed by this confession, but I assured her that I did that too, to some extent, since those were the days when paper recycleables had to be put at the curb in paper bags.

    I'll admit to always having a few extra boxes on hand since my most recent move, but not quite a quarter of a basement's worth! Good to hear you were finally able to lay them to rest!

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  • tic chick
    replied
    AHA! thus the name "beader" !

    i stop in here occasionally to see if anyone has posted and what luck! today someone has!

    the worst thing i have hoarded is boxes. 1/4 of my basement, at one time, was filled with boxes within boxes within boxes. i told someone about my obsession. it kind of started because i thought we were going to move one day. we never did. anyway, this person told me to take my box-cutter and cut and flatten the boxes and when i needed them all i had to do was tape them. well, i did cut down about 30 boxes. it looked so nice and clean in the basement! nice and clean out-obsesses having boxes . then more boxes came with stuff in them during christmas. today i threw all those cut-down boxes away because i realized i would NEVER lack for boxes .

    but, you have an investment there, beader. i would see how well your eyes and hand work once everything heals. that will give you an idea if teaching and/or making jewekry to sell is a possibility. what about renting out your tools? maybe you have some advanced tools that others would like to use for awhile either to try out or to use for a project and then return to you. maybe you can advertise in the paper that you have thousands of beads and open a mini-store for new beaders to buy from you. you can sell it to them at the same price you got it for or a bit cheaper. those are my bright ideas for today.

    i'm a situational obsessive, mostly. i don't obsess over anything in particular, just when something comes along and catches my brain cells. i was on a drug once that made me afraid to get in cars, cause i thought they would hit a bump and fly into the air and crash. yes, totally possible, in my mind on that drug. no more drug, no more flying car obsession. too bad, cause the drug cut my tics by about 85%. but i can live with tics, whereas i can't live without getting into cars. easy decision.

    i don't watch those kind of shows. there is a new one starting next week called something like, "my 600 pound life". i will not watch a show where someone is paid to reveal their private misery for public consumption.

    i think i do okay. i live each day as it comes. the past has taught me lessons and i am wiser for that today. the future is not here and since i live day by day, will never come. so, i pretty much am set for today .

    i've had tourette syndrome since i was about 8. when i became 19, i had a series of unpleasant things happen to me, all associated with guns being pointed at me. i live in detroit, that was the 70's. i had post-traumatic stress disorder from one incident and that set off my inability to sleep at night. i would stay up all night and finally go to bed when it started getting light, cause i felt safe in the light. this led to having a panic attack one time in a restaurant. then another time somewhere else. the panic attacks made me scared to leave the house, cause i never knew when one was going to come. after a year of all this going on, i started to go counseling and that helped a lot. i had my first baby at age 23 and my last one at age 30. i suffered about 2 panic attacks a week during those years. shortly after i had my last child, i went to a neurologist and went on the search for the holy drug that would cure my tourette syndrome. but i found something better, a drug that cured my panic attacks. i've maybe had a few minor ones over the last 27 yrs., during times of stress, but pretty much i am thankful for no more panic attacks since age 31. those were hard to hide from my first two kids cause i didn't want to scare them.

    well, that's my so-called obsessive/compulsive/agoraphobic/panic-attacked/seasonal affective disorder/tourette syndrome life .

    see ya around, sher ,
    jeannie
    Last edited by tic chick; 01-28-2012, 08:35 PM.

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