July, 2021 Chit Chat!

[agate]

Virginia, I hope you can ask your middle brother what this is all about so you can find out. It's probably some very bad misunderstanding, and I hope that he will explain it without getting angry. It sounds as if he's not being rational about whatever it is. You surely don't deserve having to put up with that anger. You might want to back off from contact with him until he cools down?

I'm sure people will understand that you can't make it so far as traveling is concerned. If they don't understand, they'll just have to think again until they do. With MS, we just don't handle stress at all well. Or at least that's what I'm finding to be true for me.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Virginia)))))) ~

We are your family, and we love and support you just as you love and support us. Your world has turned upside down, and you need to be able to express everything that is happening to release some of the stress. You aren't "taking this out on" us. This is why we're all here ~ to support and comfort each other during difficult times.

While it must be so frustrating not to know the specifics of why and how DP and Mary Lou were murdered, these investigations can take a long time. It appears that their property is fairly large and is fenced and gated. Evidence collection may be a time-consuming job for local law enforcement. They may be questioning DP's employees or people, to whom he gave odd jobs. They can't leave any stone unturned.

The phone line may be busy for another reason pertaining to the investigation.

You made a good decision not to go to Elaine's visitation. If you were able, you would go. But all of this tragedy tumbling down upon you has created stress to which your body is reacting. You need to be taking care of yourself, Virginia. Sometimes it can be hard for people, who don't have a long-term condition, to understand what a challenge each day is for those who do.

I am so sorry that your brother lashed out at you, especially now with all that is happening in your family. If you don't know the reason for his anger, it is impossible to respond to it or defend yourself.

I would consider a variety of options for you, depending upon what would help you the most. Ask your niece why your brother is angry. Ignore his outburst, forget it, it probably is nothing, and he is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Your family just lost 3 members and gained a new one. Whatever he is angry about is not as important as balancing tragedy/grief and joy/new life.

Breathe in through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Repeat a couple of times. Rest. Even if you don't sleep, try to rest. Eat and stay hydrated.

Feel the love and prayers surrounding you and your family. Elaine, DP and Mary Lou are resting in God's Arms together now. They are at peace. Their legacy is living life to its fullest, helping others, bringing joy and laughter to every occasion, strength of character, and faith in humanity.

Blessings to you, Virginia, and Stay Strong ~

Love & Light,

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Rose

*Virtual Hugs Are Germ-Free!


THANKS!

[SuzE-Q]

I am sorry Virginia, your brother is going to feel a mite foolish when he realizes you weren't even at the reunion and have no idea what your niece did or said that got his britches in a knot, so you had no reason not to spend time with your niece since you are completely in the dark about what went on.

You did not deserve to be treated that way and I hope he has some profuse apologies ready, especially when you did not need the added stress right now.

Gee, Virginia, how wonderful that you look and act so fabulously that no one gives you any breaks or consideration of having a chronic illness for the past several decades in how they treat you!! I'm sorry, but this just is a personal pet peeve of mine when loved ones do not keep in mind health considerations! I know your brothers are often good, especially when you spoke up recently about getting to your regular dinners (precovid). But, come on, this was not a time to be snippy when there has been so much sadness and grief, sometimes, you just have to swallow it and let it go because there's already enough going on. I hope your brother has time for some regret. This had better have been a huge thing for him to have reacted so badly.

I'm sorry your plans to go to the visitation did not pan out, but, as you say, it was just as well.

I'm sure the details of everything will emerge over the next few weeks, it's stressful when there's such mystery surrounding it.

It's good that you have neighbors who will be there if you need them, it is a good feeling, even if you don't call them yet.

I'm glad DP and Mary Lou have someone already in charge of their estate and able to make final arrangements and coordinate with law enforcement. Just the fact that details haven't been released gives me the impression that the investigation is being run right.

I also feel like you, I prefer an experienced doctor. I like Rose's thoughts based on her wealth of experience, maybe a young one has energy, time and isn't so stuck on conservative ways of doing things. Maybe I should be more flexible myself and not shut out the young ones without giving them a chance.

Please take care of yourself, Virginia!

[Virginia]

Thank you Agate and Rose and everyone for your support. Agate, I had been trying since my MS got so bad during the Friday night and Saturday morning to do kind of what you said. I was trying to turn myself off. I couldn't of course from all the events, but that is what I would try to do. I tried to just put myself on automatic, but there have been times that I just couldn't keep the thoughts out. I think I would be better if I had a healthy body and could have been there tonight and tomorrow.

However, I did do one thing tonight. I called my older brother in S.C. He is the one with the cracked ribs. That happened six weeks ago today and he said he was doing okay. He slept for the first 5 weeks in his recliner and right now is still walking with a walker. He is on a very mild pain pill now but not the heavy stuff he was on.

I asked him about the family reunion he had and he said it was great. He said he just wished there could have been a way for me to be there that I would have enjoyed it so much. So, I asked him what happened that had made my middle brother so angry at me and his daughter who has been researching the genealogy on our Daddy's side. He didn't know and had not known he was upset at anyone. I told him what had happened. My Niece had bought her information when she came Saturday and I set in my chair and she pulled up a stool and tried to explain to me everything she had found. Well, my older brother and I discussed what it could be and it is one of two things that neither are bad. I told my brother that I thought they were funny and he said he did too. So, we started laughing. Neither of these things had anything to do with our parents and the one we kind of zeroed in on would have gone back a minimum of 3 to 4 generations before us.

Anyway, I didn't stay on the phone long because his son from out of town was visiting him. But we both just kept laughing. At least my Niece didn't find any criminals or anyone who was jailed or anything of that kind. He said the next time our brother called me he would probably be his usual self. Quite frankly I am not ready for him to call me right now and hope that he does not. My older brother said that due to all the heart medicine and surgeries he has had since he was 43 years old that he has his problems. I didn't tell him that I also have my problems.

When we were laughing I told him that it was one thing about being the oldest in the family we could vouch for the fact that all 4 of us had the same Mother and Father. He said he remembered the night I was born. He said he got so upset that Daddy had to take him out and ride him around in the car to calm him down and I said well I can vouch for the next one because he cried half the night and my Grandmother had a basinet at the foot of the bed that she and I were sleeping in and I would crawl down and look at him and kind of shake the basinet. I wasn't allowed to pick him up because I was only 8. The first 3 of us were born in my Grandmother's house, in the same room, delivered by the same Doctor. Only the youngest was born in a hospital because of Mother's age and we all went to see him. So, we ruled out the fact that it had anything to do with our generation and kind of went from there.

It was good to laugh a little. If I could just get some sleep I might feel a little better, but judging by the sensory problems I am having it seems the MS might be here to stay awhile.

Laura's husband came by and looked at my deck. He is going to power wash it and put two new boards in. Then Laura will stain it. He is working for a very large construction company and will be out of town working for two weeks. He said he would come when he gets back in town. It will be so good to get that done. He knows what he is doing and I trust him. Poor Laura can't trust him around women, but I can with what he does on the house.

[stillstANNding]

Virginia, I am shocked and saddened to read all of this. Such a shocking heartbreak and so devastating to the family and the community. I hope you can eventually know the “why” of it but it will not bring peace.

I am thinking about you and your MS symptoms. If this is more than your usual summer MS symptoms maybe you will consider a chat with your doctor. Things can progress - thinking about Dar- don’t wait too long. You know your body best. Be exceedingly kind to yourself but be smart about it. Definitely increase the chocolate.

ANN

[Virginia]

Thanks Ann, chocolate has been increased. The sensory problems are more than just summer stuff, but except when it goes into my hands it is stuff that has been with me for a long time, but not this bad.

Suze-Q, I think we must have been posting at the same time because I didn't see your post until I came on today. Thanks for sticking up for me where my brother is concerned. My youngest brother called me today for the first time since all the tragedy in his family. He said the funeral service for Elaine this morning was nice. He said some of her classmates from high school even showed up. I expect some of that was because of Mary Lou and D.P. He said the plots were kind of laid out like ours. Elaine is in one place with room on her left for her husband John and Mary Lou will be about at her feet with D.P. beside her. So, they will all be buried together and I think it is very fitting.

He has no idea what my middle brother is so upset about and says he didn't know that he was. I do not want to talk to him right now and have no desire to see him at this time. I just hope that he does not call for a little while. My brother who called today says he is like me and my oldest brother that anything that could have been said was funny. He did say that he thought that the middle brother is really angry at my Niece for some reason and took it out on me. I told him that was not okay. That having not been in attendance I had to be the least innocent of everyone. I just told him that I was not going to be talked to in that tone of voice or talked down to. He will not relay this and I am sorry that he will not. I wish he would.

No more news about Mary Lou and D.P. The Granddaughter who is in charge of everything told my SIL this morning that she knew everything she knew to tell her. I just hope they did not suffer. Since we don't know how they were killed we don't know.

I spent all afternoon on the phone trying to take care of some business about my car and homeowners insurance and my propane gas. I finally found out that the propane gas place were having trouble with their computers and I was not going to get on no matter how hard I tried. I tried to get my insurance set up with USAA and after many people and much conversation I found that I was ineligible due to the fact that I remarried for a brief period of time after my husband died. They then told me they could pass me over to someone who represents them for my auto insurance and might could get a discount. It turned out to be the insurance company I am already with. I finally got to a very sweet lady who kept on and on trying to get me more discounts than just a military spouse discount. I was with her until my landline held hand phone started beeping. I really wanted to say "forget it, it is not worth it" but she was working so hard for me I just couldn't bring myself to do it. She finally, finally admitted that the military discount of $23.00 was all she could do for me. I thanked her and told her she did a good job.

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((Hugs to All)))))) ~

Virginia ~

You have three brothers, and two of them are on your side, and none of you can understand why your middle brother is so angry. If you can laugh about this with your other two brothers, then it's over. Let it go. If your middle brother calls you again, I hope it will be to apologize. Just remember that the losses of Elaine, DP and Mary Lou, are far more important than that bee your bother has in his bonnet.

It is heartwarming that the community is coming together to support your family. From the media I have read and videos I have watched, it is clear that Elaine, DP and Mary Lou were highly respected within their community. They helped people, who were in need, and touched the lives of many. It is fitting that they share a resting place together here and in God's Arms.

As if you don't have enough stress, you made phone calls today. I'm glad that they ended with a nice lady, who went the extra mile to help you in any way that she could.

Please take good care of yourself. If your primary care doctor hasn't left yet, perhaps it would be a good idea to call to see if you can have an appointment prior to the change. If you explain all that you're going through with your family, as well as your fatigue, MS issues, and blood pressure, you should be able to get in soon. Please just think about it.

You and your family continue to be in my prayers, and I pray for strength, peace and comfort for you.

Love & Light

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Rose

*Virtual Hugs Are Germ-Free!


THANKS!

[Virginia]

I have an appointment with my PCP on the 29th of this month. This is the last one I will have before she leaves.

Rose, one reason I don't want to change PCPs, especially to a young one is because even many Neurologist do not understand or even know what MS is. The Doctor I have now does understand a lot about MS and she knows the medicines she can and cannot give me. I have seen her sit in her office and think for a minute and then say I would like you to take this medicine, but I am afraid it would cause your MS symptoms to get worse. She understands that I am more likely to have a UTI than a normal person is. The chances of a young internist knowing these things is highly unlikely. MS is just an unknown entity, and not a lot about it is usually taught in med school. Internist who have been in practice are more likely to have picked up more knowledge about it.

I am not going in with a negative attitude when I see a new Doctor, but I really wish I had more of a choice. I want to stay with a female and there was only one female Doctor. The other is a Nurse Practitioner. Some of them are good for just general things. Again, I want a little more than that. I am older, my MS is well progressed, my thyroid problem is well progressed, but I will do the best I can with the one Doctor left to me. I will ask my now PCP if she has any recommendations for me.

[agate]

Virginia, I pretty much gave up on neurologists when it comes to MS. Not a lot is known about MS, not even by the most expert people in the world. I'm fairly sure about that. Neurology is in its infancy, and they just don't know what's going on with the human central nervous system. They know what they can see on MRIs, or they think they do, but they're always changing their tune on MRIs too.

With their limited knowledge, you can just hope you get a doctor who will listen to you--and that doctor will learn more about MS that way. We're teaching them. There's not a lot they can do for us other than to prescribe an MS drug, and we can hope that they'll know how to direct us toward the drugs that are most appropriate for us.

If they're showing signs of not even having reviewed our medical history, that's a red flag. A doctor who is in a hurry is another. A doctor who is abrupt and dismissive, or arrogant--you can do without those.

I guess I'm saying that maybe we shouldn't expect too much of the neurologists who are treating our MS. They're fumbling around in the dark.

[Virginia]

I agree Agate and I really do not have a very good Neurologist right now. I think it might be because he has no other medicine he can direct me to as far as the DMDs. However, this makes me want a good PCP even more. I really would like to have one good Doctor. My Neurologist is just going through the motions, but it is not all his fault. Like I said he just doesn't have a lot else he can direct me to. So, I want a good PCP if I could get one to kind of take up the slack.

[agate]

I'm lucky in having a PCP who (so far) seems pretty good though the neuro isn't so good. I know what you mean about wanting at least one good doctor. I'd like to think that the PCP is on top of my case enough to consult the record about me and refresh her memory about what I'm taking and why and what kind of lab results I typically have. I've seen signs that she is doing that.

I hope you can find a doctor you like. Are you limited to the 3 options you mentioned? Have you checked the ratings that are available on some of the Websites where doctors are listed? I often read other patients' comments and find them very useful.

I agree with Rose about young doctors. You've already looked into these possible doctors' training and I'm assuming they're Board-certified. I've heard that sometimes doctors will offer a trial consultation. That's probably not the right term but you can go in and chat for 20 minutes and form an opinion. You're not committed in any way.

[SuzE-Q]

Virginia, an arrest was made. More details today at an 11AM news conference.

[Virginia]

Thanks Suze-Q, I just now saw this on a post my Nephew made to Facebook just a little while ago. It showed their pictures. My Nephew said these were the scumbags who murdered his aunt and uncle and he hoped they rot in hell. I could tell he is furious. I have not spoken to anyone. It was, as we suspected it would be, a robbery. One of the men had worked for D.P. Now another emotional hurtle to get through. I have not heard from any family. I guess they are wiped out. I think everyone is. They were shot.

Now two more funerals for them. Then at some point there will be a trial. Why couldn't they just have covered themselves so they could not be identified and robbed them and let it go at that. I think that whole community is grieving from what I have heard and read. Like my Nephew said in his post "they gave back more than they took". Two gentle souls. If anyone can make any sense of this please tell me. I cannot.

Suze-Q thanks for posting that. I normally do not spend any time on Facebook, but I have since all this happened just trying to see if I can get any news.

My SIL's brother can be high tempered. I hope he can hold it together. I could tell my Nephew was beyond being furious.

Anyone who has gone through something similar please tell me when do you start sleeping again. I keep seeing them over and over and I still cannot believe it.

Thank you Suze-Q.

[SuzE-Q]

Hopefully, once the initial emotional reaction and stress can settle, you'll be able to sleep.

Arresting these people so quickly and knowing they're off the street hopefully can offer some comfort that the police did their job effectively. There are good people in the world who turned them in and gave up important info to solve this tragedy. Greed is an ugly motivation. Others did the right thing and thought more of DP and Mary Lou than about saving their @sses. Whoever turned them in did not do it for the money, I doubt $2,000 was enough to change anyone's mind. They were turned in on principle and out of respect for DP and Mary Lou. Sounds like DP and Mary Lou left a lasting legacy on those who knew them.

As you know, only time can lessen the acute pain of loss. There is no sense to this. Bad things happen to good people. It makes me so sad that they lived such long lives and this is how it had to end. The only positive thing I can think of is that maybe it's a blessing they went together. I'm not sure if the survivor could have lived with the heartbreak and grief. Knowing their lives ended so soon after Elaine's did, they are all at peace now and will rest in peace all together.

I hope there's no trial, maybe one will flip on the other, that's a factor when there are two defendants.

I'm glad your brothers confirmed this is probably just a misunderstanding with the genealogy info. Rest well knowing you've given yourself some peace of mind about that.

Please rest, Virginia. Give yourself time to heal. Sleep is so important to us.

[Virginia]

Thanks Suze-Q, you write sensibly and well. I am trying and will keep trying for as long as I can. I am worn out, but not in love with the bed right now. However, I think I will go and try it in just a few minutes. I have repeated the serenity prayer today. That use to help me.

Sleep well!