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What's happening? Part 3

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    how do you rate medical community in your nation?

    my state?a 2 out of ten


      Originally posted by agate View Post
      I've read several Jack London works but not The People of the Abyss. It sounds interesting--is it?
      its depressing but do read it


        I'll give the book a try--though it may be a while before it reaches me. I request books in recorded form through the National Library Service, and nowadays they are waiting until it's time to send a new cartridge full of books to me. There are usually about 8 books on a cartridge but I can keep the cartridge for a year.

        houghchrst, how is your decluttering going? I've made some progress by getting rid of a bookcase and about 70 books. The place looks and feels ever so much better now. I still have a futon to unload but so far no takers. It would take more than one person to move it out of here even though it's not as big as some futons. I don't mind if it sits here for many months yet though because my grandson seems to like to sprawl on it.
        SPMS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009. Glatopa (glatiramer acetate = Copaxone) since December 2020.


          Time for a check-in I believe. A friend took me early this morning to get a jump on delinquent taxes. I go to the treasury and make payment arrangements for past taxes. This is the first year in almost 12 years that I have not had to pay a large amount of money for the rest of last year's taxes in order to get signed up. I cried when she told me on the phone. I had been putting off the call because I was afraid I would have to pay a large amount and trying to find a way to come up with the money would have stressed me out. So I am good for another year.

          Brandon is still with me. He has been struggling keeping a job. Not even his fault. Companies are still struggling here to keep inventory to get their products produced. Both places that he got into through the temp service had to let their temps go due to there not being enough work. He got a new job working at the same company as a friend. This place is more stable and is doing well so he is happy there. Hopefully by summer he will have a place. Honestly I don't mind him being here. We get along much better than we used to. We have both changed over the years and he is on meds again so feels better. We both hate that he has to sleep in the living room but it is what it is.

          Jared is doing a whole lot of nothing. I am worried about him. He has no interest in learning to drive. He is afraid of other drivers, he doesn't like to swim because water terrifies him. Pool is fine but no lakes or oceans for him. He does very little around the house. The bare minimum of what I ask him and sometimes he forgets and I have to ask two or three times. He spends all his time in his room on his computer. His room was a pig sty. It looked like a certifiable hoarder lived in it. He just got it cleaned up for the most part but still has stuff he has to walk over. I was taking care of all his appointments and medical stuff because he is phone shy but I am done with that. From now on he is going to have to make his own appointments and schedule his own transportation. He wants to work doing something with computers but he is getting nowhere. Brandon gets on to me for not demanding more from Jared, he sees what is happening and it hurts him.

          Lucy is still in my foster room. I am pretty sure I am going back to crafting. I love fostering and rescuing but it is high stress and without transportation I am pretty much useless. I have even manipulated my newsfeed on facebook enough to where I am getting less emergency posts. Maybe after my basement is clean I can do an emergency hold in a crate down there if absolutely necessary.

          I am still doing my decluttering. I had to have given away over 50 boxes, bags and items in the last month or two. I am really wanting to get my laundry manageable. That is my next huge thing is minimizing my laundry. We have five towels, four bath washcloths, 4 handtowels for bathroom. 4 dishrags, 4 of my favorite dishtowels. I have given away all of the twin sheets that had been Jared's when he was younger and had cartoon character favorites on them. Now he has 4 sets which is probably still too much. I no longer fold my queen sheets, they go in the bottom drawer of my dresser. My goal is to wind up folding very little. I have to go through my clothes now that they are all clean and pare down. I have a lot of shirts and pants. Way too many socks to fit in my drawer. So yeah some of those go. All the clothing has been going to a local lady that dresses the homeless. All my dishes went to a family that was running from an abusive relationship and starting over. I am really hooked on this program and the group I joined. Wonderful people. I stood in my kitchen the other afternoon and started crying because the relief it brings me, the joy is immense. I cannot convey how much my kitchen has been a huge source of stress, anxiety and depression for me for most of my life. I have been responsible for dishes since I was 12. For a family of 6 then 5. Now my kitchen will never get out of hand again. I hope to be able to do the same with my laundry.

          okay rambled enough, off to a vet visit, our Skyler is losing his vision.


            I can understand why you want to destress your life by decluttering. Life has enough stresses without the added stress of dealing with a lot of Things. I get annoyed when I have to move several things just to get at something I'm looking for, and that still happens too often--so I'm still evaluating everything around here that I look at and asking myself if I should get rid of it.

            I have an acquaintance who is going through such a miserable experience that every time I think of her, I'm inspired to try harder to get rid of things. She's in a house where she has let friends and family store things in her basement, and she herself has accumulated stuff there. Rodents became a problem recently (rats and mice), and she was told it would cost her $7,000 to fix the problem. She seems to be going ahead with the fix though, and people in hazmat masks have been working on her place, exterminating. She's had to discard many things that are considered contaminated. The rodents have chewed through a lot of the house's electrical wiring, and so she doesn't have much electricity left.

            Don't read on if you're not up to it because this next part is grim. Every day she goes around and disposes of the rat bodies.

            I told her that if that was my situation, I'd run. I'd unload the house on anyone who would take it and just get away from the whole problem. But she doesn't see it that way. I've never seen the house, and maybe it's a gem she really wants to hang onto.

            I have my doubts about even posting about this as it's so scary. I hope it isn't too upsetting. She calls me every now and then with an update and sounds so cheerful about it all that I have to admire her.

            SPMS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009. Glatopa (glatiramer acetate = Copaxone) since December 2020.


              Agate that's too bad about your friend. Unfortunately it is not an uncommon situation. Often times therapy is required also. There is a mindset that causes her to allow it to happen. Thank God she has the ability to rectify the problem.

              You should look up Dana K. White on YouTube. I also watch The Minimal Mom and Cas Aarssen who can tell you what kind of Clutterbug you are. I am a ladybug lol. Dawn of The Minimal Mom is who got me started by giving me permission to get rid of everything but necessities in my kitchen. I got rid of enough things to supply an entire kitchen and still had the basics I needed. It was incredible. My kitchen has never been so happy LOLOL. Dana teaches the no-mess method of decluttering and it is fabulous, truly works. I have been steadily getting things out and throwing things away daily. Working on clothes next. I have many and I am sick of always being behind on laundry so I have almost every bit of laundry done and know what I have and what I can get rid of.


                Thank you for referring me to Dana K. White. I watched one of her videos and found it very helpful. I liked her approach--having a "place" for things in the home seems like an organizing principle I vaguely recall hearing from my mother years ago: "A place for everything, and everything in its place."

                It's very useful if your vision isn't perfect. I rely on memory to know where something is, and if I know where it belongs, I don't have to work nearly so hard to find it.

                But if there's too much clutter, that whole system doesn't work nearly as well...
                SPMS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009. Glatopa (glatiramer acetate = Copaxone) since December 2020.


                  Love her, her no mess principle is great, especially for those with ADHD like her. We always start with garbage when decluttering a space. Then you see and touch what you have in that area and get an idea of how things go. Honestly I have it down now. The decluttering part. My issue is parting with some things. I did not realize getting rid of clothes would be so emotional for me. All of my personal laundry is done and as I was hanging shirts and getting rid of shirts I started thinking of how many I have and why and shed a tear at the thought of getting rid of some. Felt ridiculous for being emotional over clothes which none of are special, most have some spots on them though I got rid of the worst. The ones i would wear when everything else was dirty are gone. I kind of think this difficulty I have getting rid of emotional clutter stems from growing up poor. So I am thinking today I will make some outfits on my bed like Dawn recommends and be honest about what fits, what I like, and what a weeks worth of laundry looks like for me. I am a firm believer in wear twice, because I don't do anything, but not two days in a row. I make it every other day then they are ready for washing. I am using a small basket for dirty clothes and honestly I might get two to three loads a week which is not bad. My clothes, bedding, bath linens. They recommend taking pictures as you are doing the work so you can see the progress you have made. Any progress is good.

                  I have decided that my weekends are going to be free to recover from everything I do during the week. The small amount of weight I have lost has really made a huge difference in the pain levels in my knees and feet. Of course I am sure the workout of six or more times a day up and down those stairs helps. It just really occurred to me that my usual pain levels are less when I am focused on doing something big with intent. I also know my limit. I might do something light.


                    This discussion inspired me finally to toss out a pair of pants that I've had for about 20 years. I discovered that they're really very baggy, and the waistline fabric has worn away completely, exposing the interfacing.

                    The bad news is that I also felt inspired to replace them and ordered up a new pair. I had some discount coupons to use and so they didn't cost much at all but still it doesn't create any new space if I toss out one thing and just replace it. I'm promising myself to get rid of more things--without replacing them.
                    SPMS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009. Glatopa (glatiramer acetate = Copaxone) since December 2020.


                      Well that's not a bad thing. Dawn says we deserve clothes that fit and make us feel good about ourselves. Even if it is only a few pieces. We don't need a closet full we just need enough to get by in this season of our life.


                        this forum looks totally dead


                          Been a bit folks. I have been mostly holed up in my room on my iPad. First time I have actually been on my computer in months. Back in January I had to pay my pain management doc a visit due to pain in my upper back. Xrays said T6 bulging disc, so he set me up for injections, get the injections they don't work so then ablations. Excruciating, they gave me two shots of Fentanyl but that did nothing, suggest ER. I go home. In the meantime the pain in my upper back, lower back and right leg sciatica reaches a point where I can no longer manage the pain. I go to ER, they give me a Valium and two lidocaine patches, I go home. Go back to PM doc and he has pushed me off to his nurse she sets me up for lumbar injections. Decide maybe a chiro can help so see her and she is the type that likes to twist ya and then throw herself down on you. Honest to God, first time, she has no xrays. Figure okay is only the first time, second time I make the mistake of mentioning getting lumbar injections so she of course 'adjusts' my Lumbar. She wrecked it. The injections did not work at all and now my low lumbar is worse than it has ever been. ER people suggested I see a neurosurgeon and they send me home with the info. I find out I can see a NS at my PM building, go see her, she gets xrays, I have four bulging discs. T6-7 and L4-5. I am wondering if the chiro adjustment caused the lumbar because they were not there before. I was told about T6 in the past but it never was an issue. Anyway she will do nothing about my pain, all this mind you because I take Klonopin. The MMJ is not a problem because it is legal in our state so they didn't even ask. They basically want me to either go back to being an insomniac to get pain meds or keep my sleep and deal with the pain. I had my annual physical with my primary doc yesterday but called out due to pain. She called me back to find out what was going on. Usually I see her every three months but she has not bothered me. I told her and she was not happy. Because they are a state run clinic they are not supposed to really prescribe pain meds except for surgeries or major diseases and then they usually pass you off to a specialist. Thankfully she prescribed me some hydrocodone, only 6 but I will gladly fill it for those moments when I feel like I need to go to the ER. And some prednisone because I am allergic to NSAIDS. Odd though, after I took it I kind of had the itchies but it went away. I have taken enough tylenol to give an elephant kidney failure. PM's NP actually had the nerve to warn me against taking 4000 MG of tylenol a day. I'm not anymore but still. The only thing keeping me from laying in bed crying all day every day is the THC/CBD topical I have been using and a bit of tylenol and a muscle relaxer. By evening I am crying again. Every morning is a tear filled farce while waiting for something to kick in to give me some relief. So I will be seeing if my primary has some way to help me or has someone in mind for me to see. Right now I have 3 MRI appts next month then in January I see the NS again. It will have been a year. Hopefully my doc can help out.


                            Chris, I'm sorry you've been dealing with intractable pain. You describe an experience nobody should have to endure. I hope that you'll get some relief and be able to enjoy life again.

                            I've always avoided chiropractors even though I've known any number people who use them as their main doctors. I know they do spinal manipulations and adjustments and I'm just uneasy about having my spine twisted around very much. And chiropractors don't have as much training as MDs or DOs.

                            Thank you for checking in here. Most people who check in here deserve to be thanked anyway because many are coping with trouble and pain in their lives and have enough to do without checking in at a message board.

                            We had a "thanks" button back in the day but it's gone now. So thank you.
                            SPMS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2001-2004. Copaxone 2006-2009. Glatopa (glatiramer acetate = Copaxone) since December 2020.


                              PSA: This has taken me days to finish cause not much privacy at my desktop. Brandon is still here and we visit when he is here and he would be furious that I wrote about him LOLOL. Not really but loves his privacy. He knows there were many here that watched him grow up. Anyway THIS IS A LONG ONE. LOTS TO UPDATE!

                              Hey there guys. Back at my computer again. Hopefully more often. Gosh, I had to reread my last post to see where I was LOL. Yes Agate, I too miss the thanks button. It at least showed that someone saw it and had been here even if they didn't have time to check in and type something up.

                              Try to make this short and coherent. Things are changing for the better since I was here last. I have pretty much given up on the medical community to help me get healthier mentally and physically. There are still things like MRIs and bloodwork that I need and my primary has been wonderful but I know she is probably upset with me for rescheduling so often. I am due to usually have my physical in early spring but my pain has been so bad I have cancelled a lot of appts. I joined two major activist pain groups. I don't know how many know this but the CDC, FDA and DEA are planning to continue to cut manufacturing of pain medications in 2024. According to them the need will be less despite the suicides, the accidental overdoses by those cut off by their medical community and went black market. Many turn to alcohol or other drugs. My primary care doc did give me another script of pain meds. Still only six but that is okay with me. I have cut way back on the Tylenol, if I do take it I usually take two 650 and a muscle relaxer in the morning when it is worse. Or one late afternoon so I can get on with dinner.

                              The NIA refused two of my MRIs but granted my neck so I will be calling down the street and see if they can get me in sooner. Fun fact. Every medical imaging request goes from your insurance to the National Imaging Association and they determine whether or not you get the request granted. All over the U.S. Every request from all over the country. My neck is very painful, giving me that nagging pain in my head that is not quite a headache but feels like it could explode into one with one wrong movement. Entire back is just painful .

                              I have agreed to PT because I am really hoping we can fix this. I am still following my favorite PT guy on YT. Many claim that these bulges most of the time can be reversed if done right. Maybe God's help and my proactive actions will contribute. The PT place and I have a history LOLOL. OH GOSH, I HAVE GONE AND THE OWNER HAS DECIDED TO MAKE ME HER PROJECT.

                              Uhm, let's see. Brandon has had no luck with jobs. He gets them and then they lay off. Most of the jobs are too far for the pay to even be worth it. He is door-dashing right now but it only covers the minimum of expenses. Turning in tons of apps. He has good qualifications. It really keeps him down. We are getting along pretty well. Laugh a lot. He has come to understand more deeply my pain levels. Has probably heard me crying though I try to be quiet, pillows and towels are good LOL. So he has been very helpful and I am often admonished for trying to pick things up or carry things I have no business touching.

                              Brandon had words with Jared, well let's say Brandon had his say to Jared, short, sweet and sort of angry, then stomped off. Mom needs help there are more than two adults here. I don't think Jared quite realized the extent that my pain had reached. He has been an amazing help. His room is still a sty but I can see that he is making more of an effort. I would like to empty it all out and put back the minimum.

                              I am only getting a $29 raise in SSI next month which quite frankly I am furious about. WTH is that going to do for us, the thousands upon thousands that need the money? I will get more in SSI and the government will cut my food stamps. Right now DHS won't give me a raise in food stamps because they aren't counting the almost $300 I have going out on expenses and loans. They want Jared to get a job now that Covid is over or they will cut out his part of the food stamps. So I made him my home health aide. He will get paid for it. He has already been approved. We meet with a case worker this week to see my disabilities and get some paperwork. That will meet his work qualifications. Hopefully, it won't affect anything and we can get a little more money in the house. He is already doing much of the work and helping me do so many things. He is also teaching himself computer coding. There is no reason with the skills that he has that he is not working in the IT field. So we will be working a bit harder than that.

                              Did get my clothes decluttered but not enough lol. Besides that everything has been on hold. The kitchen stays in decent order though it always seems dishes need to be done but thank God it is never a mountain so it doesn't bother me very much. The basement really needs to be done so hopefully soon.

                              Okay, three major changes. I am going to start microdosing psilocybin. Magic mushrooms. You take a small dose three or four days a week, like four on and three off or whatever you decide. Not every day or you become tolerant. The dose is so low that you don't get "high". Dr. Dave says that you shouldn't really notice anything except that over time, within about a week people, your mood is getting better. Anxiety and depression fade. It can help with PTSD, all kinds of mental illnesses which can contribute to physical illness and then it becomes a vicious cycle. It has been shown to help Migraines and Crohn's but it needs to be researched more when dealing with pain. I found my mentors totally by accident, a doc and an author, and they are going to help me safely medicate. Some people just need one large dose, usually done with a facilitator to monitor you and help you work out whatever emotions you are having. I want to get off more meds, I was at over 18 meds and am now down by about six, and I want to quit smoking so I am going to microdose because I know it may take time. Especially with the withdrawals from the meds. Then down the road, if things are going well, I may not need it anymore. Totally non addicting, totally natural, with micro there are no hallucinations, no high, just a neural change that affects anxiety, depression, PTSD and others.

                              So the author is helping me with a mental change to start predosing. I call it my brainwashing routine. I feel odd doing it but I must confess it has an affect. My day goes better. I am crying far less. I still hurt but I am learning how to hurt without suffering. I had a hard time with the idea of being so depressed, anxious and hurting but not suffering. Which brings me to my next bit of news.

                              I have started working with an old friend who has her own ministry and is also a holistic healer and practitioner, life coach, helps people deal with trauma and is on the board of Noorha Foundation. Noohra is Aramaic for light. So I am learning the Bible translated directly from the Peshitta texts which are Aramaic which was the language of Jesus's time in that area. People have no idea what they are missing out on. Almost everyone is reading a mistranslation from a mistranslation, and so on. She is first generation Assyrian and knows the gospel frontwards and backward. Very down-to-earth, big-hearted person. She has offered to help me but I always refused because I don't have any money and one day she made me Facetime her and told me she was taking me on at no cost. Her ministry offers scholarships. So doing Inner Child, Demystifying Christianity, I already did the Lord's Prayer in Aramaic. I almost have it memorized, and also am doing Aramaic Light On The Gospel Of John. Seems like there is one more. I can pass out her name if anyone is interested. She has a lot of followers from around the world.

                              Don't know if I mentioned this but I started doing Systemic Multienzyme Therapy a couple of months ago. I did a lot of research before I decided. I have been able to get off of almost all of the heart meds and it also begins to help with inflammation and fibrin build up. Some natural bloodthinner attributes so I no longer take that med. These docs LOLOL, I show them the bottle and they're like, yeah that should be fine. They don't even know wth they are looking at. That's okay because I do and I am pretty pissed off that it was never even mentioned to me even though functional medicine and sports medicine know all about them and use them in their treatments. So the mid-day dosing is really hard to remember and it seems if I forget a day or two I begin to have worse pain so am going to stay on it and make sure it isn't my imagination. The two big ones are Nattokinase and Serrapeptase.

                              I am also just starting Transcendental Meditation. The health benefits are truly amazing. I was always told meditation is great but nobody said TM was special. I have been practicing meditation mostly when I am in pain and laying down for a quick nap. Following the breath because of wandering mind. Then I watched a video by David Lynch and was hooked. So more research and doggone, this TM has immense health benefits. Found and then the David Lynch foundation. It's mantra based, not a word with any meaning, usually just two syllables. This is secret, sacred, you tell no one. You are supposed to get your mantra from your trainer. First visit is in person, then there are three online training classes. It's pretty pricey but there was a location about 20 minutes from me and the Foundation has scholarships. I emailed them and my location had closed but the lady from the Foundation called me and she said that while she could not give me my mantra she could help me start. So we had a mini session and I picked my own mantra based on what was comfortable for me. Unfortunately is sounds too similar to a battle cry of a kid's cartoon minus the first letter so every time I think of it I think of that stupid show. Am in process of solidifying a new one.

                              Oh yes, back to journaling, Intention Journaling. Struggling a little there.

                              Jeez y'all, I am so sorry it is so long, maybe I should break it up into three or four posts LOLOL. I tried to make sure I used paragraphs too. I am going to have to make a separate post about my experience with TikTok. That's been good and bad as anyone who uses the app knows.


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