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My crack addiction

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    My crack addiction

    I was responding on another thread about how I always wanted to be a vet or work with animals. That all went away after I started drinking and using drugs at about 15. Just a little drinking at first, then added pot. Soon after followed by LSD. After a few years of partying every weekend I was introduced to cocaine, could take it or leave it. At the time enjoyed the add to the party. Then I was introduced to Crack. THat was a wonder. I went to using Crack and everything else on the weekend parties.

    Crack took over. Soon everytime I drank I wanted Crack and would go out and seek it. Then it became an almost daily search and I didn't need anything else to trigger it. My ex pawned or sold everything that was worth anything including I suspect my wedding ring. I cried when he took the music. My only bit of sanity and joy. Even our new vacuum cleaner went. He even broke into his own workplace and stole money. Forgot to make it look broken into instead of broken out of. Dim bulb.

    When we began to sell our foodstamps for fifty cents on the dollar I would lay in bed in the early morning and cry because I knew I had a child to feed and I was selling his food. No matter how deep in I got my child was taken care of. gone on the weekends, fed, clean, clothed. One morning I lay in bed crying because I had just blown through almost all of our foodstamps and had very little left to keep us fed. I knew I had to stop, I had to do something. Found a therapist and joined an outpatient addiction group. Five days a week, every morning, weekly drops, private therapy seessions, psych evals, meds. Took me almost two years to get clean and sober. Had stops and starts along the way. Learned that I had to keep addictive people away, turn away the drug dealers who 'stop by to see how you are'. Made friends leave their beers outside. Lost a lot of so called friends.

    I finally got it and managed to quit. January 1st 2000 was my quit day. I can say that it is a relief to have money in my hand and not wonder how much crack that can get me. It was years before I could see crack done on the television without having to change the channel because I was sick to my stomach. Still had that itch. Almost 19 years clean now.

    In 2012 I started using marijuana again medicinally, still working out the kinks in what works for me. Over the last five years I have had a drink here and there. Maybe 6 times in that period have I drank but not gotten drunk. Crack no longer has that hold over me like it did. I am so grateful to God and all the support I had to help me get sober.

    Congratulations on 19 years, Chris. That’s a big accomplishment.

    There comes a time when silence is betrayal.- MLK