A re-post from the BrainTalk Community Forum Archives

Aura Awakening
for the members of BrainTalk Communities Epilepsy forum.


in the beginning naive, if they'd come presently
awareness extreme, suddenly as if not by me
In terror first understood, the warning I faced
"That's the key!" I realized, as my mind raced
Eureka! I felt, taking pause to rejoice
attempting a scream, but it came, stole my voice
as my mind lost all reason, the world turned to black
I fell to the floor,not knowing when they'd come back

armed with a wisdom, acquired that day
yearning to battle, to keep them at bay
lessons from years past, still holding so true
at times feeling frightened, alone; not sure what to do
to know when they'll come, a help to be sure
still feeling a victim, not wanting endure
my goal in the end, not for me but for all
a means to be found, for us not to fall

arrest, distract, subdue, or dispel?
how does one fight what controls touch, sight & smell?
a mountain to climb, its peak clouded by mist
unknown to the eye, recognized by its fist
it hits; captured; what does one do?
eyes suddenly opened, crowd asking, "How are you?"
ourselves the victims, of terrors unseen
longing for life, where all is serene

at contest against them, I shall rely
in raising my inner-self, in battle cry
for I am determined, to silence my fear
each time I feel them, as they draw near
to fight them each time, make them leave the scene
aren't they the monsters, aren't they being "mean"?
taking control of ones nerves, acting "sans" consent
this type of behavior, surely not heaven sent
our bodies! our minds! ours to direct!
in keeping with this, I aim to protect!

thousands of monsters, have stared in my eyes
and taken my consciousness, with their cold guise
decades have past, since the first look
but never have I, closed a page on this book
a fight to the end, it was then and shall be
after twenty five years, I find something for me
it ends not there, my goal not complete
there yet remains, a huge task at my feet

yes! it seems now I find, that it can be
most times I can make, that monster flee
still feeling that terror, all as before
now practiced feeling, each tactic more
I play his game, of chess "of the mind"
and kick him in his, "proverbial behind"
somehow I do this, in my own way
I'm closer to knowing, I can not yet say

this blessing, a miracle come true
out of an aura, a journey grew
journey continuing, goal unabated
withhold to, what others have waited?
nay! a peak left to climb, one task to fulfill
struggle ends not here, and finish I will
one thing remains, I give my solemn vow
the adventure is over, when I can explain how


This reposted, and slightly edited poem (only to correct a few errors of syntax & prose) was coincidentally my first as well, was inspired by the events I remember from the first time I realized I was having an aura, and just as importantly, the members of the Epilepsy Forum here at BrainTalk Communities, and all who share our challenge. About 30 years since I first recognized a seizure was coming; The "Aura", and from that, my attempts & eventual successes at learning to find a cognitive way to fight simple partial seizures from generalizing to spread and become larger seizures. Though that "aura" described in the first stanza of the poem actually only lasted less than ten seconds... I can remember it in perfect detail like yesterday. I was a
teenager at dinner with my family, felt the "aura", & for the first time realized I was going to have a seizure beforehand. I immediately rushed to stand up & yell but could not get out intelligible speech. I then fell back down in a tonic clonic seizure.

I now have not had a generalized seizure in almost a year. I am at the lowest dosage of AEDs I have ever been in my life, yet am enjoying the best seizure control I have ever had. A big part of this is due to me recognizing my aura (simple partial seizure), and then fight it off. Over the years, after so much practice, the immediate fighting after recognition has become second nature. That part I don't have to consciously think about anymore! Though I must still consciously recognize the aura.

I have realized, in coming towards the end of that journey of fighting them, the real adventure is really just beginning. As I said in the end of the poem,
the adventure wouldn't be over until I could explain how.