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Thread: I have decided God hates me....

  1. #11
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    thanks waves (HUGS) that doctor was not correct in his diagnosis. but before all that was sorted out whew, can you imagine! I will now send houghchrst a pm explaining it. after some time the subject was never brought up again. i have been very busy and had to search my name to find where i needed to reply on this one. sure does take me forever to accomplish anything at all these days.
    Last edited by joy; 09-27-2011 at 10:11 PM.

  2. #12

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    Well, I have to admit there's a lot of nose nos know no knows kloNOpin eNOugh . . . but you mention only one doctor . . . your doctor may be both great and right too, yet that does not address the possibility one should obtain another opinion (). Sometimes two (:ambivalence:) are better than one ()? Sometimes too many () spoil the broth.

  3. #13
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    I have a regular GP, a neurologist, rheumatologist, orthopedist, pain management, psychiatrist, therapist, and all are aware of each other. We all stay on top of my meds. Me actually more so than my doctors sometimes I think. I have had all of these docs for a long time and trust them for the most part. Have been avoiding that ridiculous neuro I was seeing. I do know to speak up and research and all that. If they all had their way I would be taking more meds than I am but I am not for being overmedicated and am highly med sensitive. I do need to get a psych med adjustment. It has been a while and unfortunately right now I owe the clinic a whole $70 before I can get in to see her and we are broke right now. She wouldn't take my med change request until we can talk face to face. I knew that but just wasn't thinking because I am so desperate for some relief. As soon as I hung up I realized that I should have known better cause I wanted to talk to her first regarding what Waves said.

  4. #14

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    Christina, I just wanted you to know I understand the feeling expressed in your first post on this thread. For me, the trigger was just stress, grief, more stress, more grief... and the roller coaster of that. I found myself feeling "punished." I was saying "sorry" to God over and over, even though I didn't know what to be sorry about. I figured maybe I was supposed to be learning something from the emotional pain, but it was so overwhelming that I couldn't think what.

    Now that I have the leisure of looking back on that episode of my life, I can only say the quagmire we find ourselves in is not God doing anything to us. Life is hard. Period. We may draw upon strength ("God", "the force" whatever a person may want to call it) to get through it, but it is not God causing it. Just as it is not a God that is causing a child in an impoverished nation to get typhoid-- it is a bacterium in conjunction with a poor society in a socially unjust world. Some evil people, often under the guise of "Christianity" will say it is God punishing us or the parents, etc for our evil, and if only we were "true" believers we would never be sick and nothing bad would ever happen to us. Yep. They say that until it is THEIR turn to have some misfortune.

    Sometimes the black pit looks infinite... but it isn't. We do climb out of the pit. Light does get turned on even after being in a seemingly endless tunnel of darkness.

    And yes, we may need help getting through the darkness, whether that help comes from "better living through chemicals", a therapist, friends, family, exercise, nutrition, meditation, or whatever (usually a combination).

  5. #15
    Community Member Deedeelyn's Avatar
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    Thank you for writing this when you did, naominjw. I've had such a trying day. I needed to read exactly what you wrote. The timing is just perfect,,

    Dee

  6. #16
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Naomi thank you. I appreciate hearing from you always. I don't really blame God, not really. I know he isn't doing this to me but I want to know what the heck the point is. I am almost useless physically, not far behind mentally. I feel absolutely useless. I am scared to death and I want to know what He wants me to do, what do I have to do so he will take some, not all I would be happy with some, of this pain, depression and anxiety from me. My mantra is more like 'please, please' as I rock and sob.

    As for those who use their religion to judge and point fingers make me angry and are the reason that I don't do organized religion.

    I'm a beggar, I beg to be relieved. Yesterday was the lowest I ever got. I have hit my bottom. Only one more step to go and six feet ain't so far down.
    I probably should be in hospital.

    theres always a new day

  7. #17
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Yes darling Christina, yesterday is gone forever tomorrow has yet to come. Today is just that, Today! What we do at the moment is what matters. Thinking about it all that way the burdon doesn't feel so heavy.

    I tell you, I was freaked out when Thanksgiving was getting near. I won't go into it here, but Ken had some complications from his eye surgery and had to have one re-done! then thanksgiving night we discovered he had a staff infection. I Know he got it from the needle the nurse had stuck him over and over and even jerking the needle out when she leaned over the bed!!

    I was driving all over and I have not been driving too much lately. He wasn't able to do anything to help me and my asthma was really acting up. On & on it went. Thanksgiving morning I was really frantic. My dear sweet daughter came to my rescue!!

    All went well , most of the family were here and even though it wasn't like my home cooking I had to cut many things short. Nobody seemed to mind though. I was aching all over like you wouldn't believe. Still am for that matter. lol lol

    So, when you get down call me and I promise I won't complain at all, but will listen to you with love. Isn't thats what friends are for? Caring for each other.

    I'm very happy you have made much progress and things are looking up for you!!

    I love you dear one, Julia (((lil'queenie))))
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  8. #18
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    [B]Chris,wrong thread but wanted to say I'm glad you are off the Klonopin. and you do seem to be better since the therapy sessions or whatever they were called. next time you get that down please don't hesitate to seek help!

    and Jo,you had one of the most horrid holiday's ever,hope your booby burns are OK! that must really be painful.

    I have nothing to complain about today after reading some of the posts here today on BT.

  9. #19
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Hi guys and thank you.

    I am glad to find that I really didn't need the Klonopin that badly and quite frankly my brain is not racing like it was so I am beginning to wonder if that little bitty dose was making things worse after all this time of taking it. I may still have moments when I will wish I had one so am thinking of maybe keeping some on hand just in case of anxiety attacks but not taking it all the time.

    I don't know if this can happen but ever since I tried the Saphris I have had almost daily headaches which if left to their own devices will quickly turn into migraines, my severe fibro that keeps my trapezius singing it starting to flare up again. Ever since the short bout with Tegretol I have been having heart palpitations, they are slowly decreasing in frequency though. cant ask the doc cause i aint got no stinkin insurance

    I am wondering if my short bout with these two meds or one or the other could have affected the efficacy of my Pamelor which was controlling a lot of my fibro and migraines.

    I know if I bring it up to anyone but my psych I will get a 'that just doesn't happen' but my psych knows me and how med sensitive I am so she always leaves the door open for any possibilities.

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