Hi all,
I'm actually inquiring for my sister. Our brother suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car accident in 1971 or 72. (I was very young at the time and don't remember the exact year.) His prognosis was not good and he was not expected to survive his injuries but by the determination of my father and mother he learned to walk & talk again however he had moments when he was hostile and aggressive and has had issues accepting he's disabled. Unfortunately our father died in 1977 leaving this brother in my mothers care. She passed away 15 years ago and the only thing she did for my brother is establish a living trust for him in the house he's lived in all this time. My older sister was designated as his 'trustee' by my mother, in that she is responsible for his finances since he is incapable of handling those. But his long-term healthcare issues were not addressed in my mother's will. Nine years ago he was having some health issues and my sister took him to a doctor who wanted to check on the condition of his brain. What she says the doctor told her is that he has a lot of atrophy in his brain and at the time was told he probably had 6 months to live. Needless to say, that doctor was wrong. Regardless, he's recently started having multiple issues, mainly with mobility which has forced him to begin to use a walker. He was found a couple of months ago crawling along the ground at my parents house because he had fell down and he could not get back up. At that time my sister and sister-in-law had a long talk with him and he agreed to trying a stay in a long-term care facility. Here are his immediate issues:
1. He cannot cook or clean so he eats microwave meals all day.
2. We believe eating these meals all the time has caused him to have very loose stools so he ends up having accidents on himself since he can't get to the bathroom due to his mobility. He also cannot clean himself up so he is often found covered in his own fecal material. Needless to say, everyone has grown tired of dealing with this one.
3. He is on medication (I believe for blood pressure) and he cannot remember to take it.
4. The house my mother left him is in a serious state of disrepair and should be condemned.
5. Of course, there is the progressive mobility issue.
We are extremely happy with his level of care in the long-term care facility she found for him. He is receiving physical therapy, 3 hot meals a day, his clothes are washed and put away for him, and overall he is clean and well-taken care of. The problem is, he wants to come home and is trying to guilt my sister into letting him come home. So my question for the community is, how do you deal with this issue? Has anyone had the same problems caring for a sibling like this? Our fear is that he is going to walk out of the facility and try to come home on his own. The staff there have told us that he cannot take care of himself and that he needs to be there because of all the things I've mentioned. And I understand why he wants to come home because I know if I end up in a nursing home I'm not going to like it either, but he NEEDS to be there. But he gives her so much guilt when she goes to see him - which is at least once a week. This last visit he told her that she twisted his arm to make him go there. He's told my other brother that it's 'like a prison'. She is at her wits end and is starting to develop some emotional issues as a result. He is extremely belligerent and determined to go home. What can she do to convince him to stay? Will he ever accept this situation??
Thanks in advance for any information you can provide. It's just such a struggle for her.
I'm actually inquiring for my sister. Our brother suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car accident in 1971 or 72. (I was very young at the time and don't remember the exact year.) His prognosis was not good and he was not expected to survive his injuries but by the determination of my father and mother he learned to walk & talk again however he had moments when he was hostile and aggressive and has had issues accepting he's disabled. Unfortunately our father died in 1977 leaving this brother in my mothers care. She passed away 15 years ago and the only thing she did for my brother is establish a living trust for him in the house he's lived in all this time. My older sister was designated as his 'trustee' by my mother, in that she is responsible for his finances since he is incapable of handling those. But his long-term healthcare issues were not addressed in my mother's will. Nine years ago he was having some health issues and my sister took him to a doctor who wanted to check on the condition of his brain. What she says the doctor told her is that he has a lot of atrophy in his brain and at the time was told he probably had 6 months to live. Needless to say, that doctor was wrong. Regardless, he's recently started having multiple issues, mainly with mobility which has forced him to begin to use a walker. He was found a couple of months ago crawling along the ground at my parents house because he had fell down and he could not get back up. At that time my sister and sister-in-law had a long talk with him and he agreed to trying a stay in a long-term care facility. Here are his immediate issues:
1. He cannot cook or clean so he eats microwave meals all day.
2. We believe eating these meals all the time has caused him to have very loose stools so he ends up having accidents on himself since he can't get to the bathroom due to his mobility. He also cannot clean himself up so he is often found covered in his own fecal material. Needless to say, everyone has grown tired of dealing with this one.
3. He is on medication (I believe for blood pressure) and he cannot remember to take it.
4. The house my mother left him is in a serious state of disrepair and should be condemned.
5. Of course, there is the progressive mobility issue.
We are extremely happy with his level of care in the long-term care facility she found for him. He is receiving physical therapy, 3 hot meals a day, his clothes are washed and put away for him, and overall he is clean and well-taken care of. The problem is, he wants to come home and is trying to guilt my sister into letting him come home. So my question for the community is, how do you deal with this issue? Has anyone had the same problems caring for a sibling like this? Our fear is that he is going to walk out of the facility and try to come home on his own. The staff there have told us that he cannot take care of himself and that he needs to be there because of all the things I've mentioned. And I understand why he wants to come home because I know if I end up in a nursing home I'm not going to like it either, but he NEEDS to be there. But he gives her so much guilt when she goes to see him - which is at least once a week. This last visit he told her that she twisted his arm to make him go there. He's told my other brother that it's 'like a prison'. She is at her wits end and is starting to develop some emotional issues as a result. He is extremely belligerent and determined to go home. What can she do to convince him to stay? Will he ever accept this situation??
Thanks in advance for any information you can provide. It's just such a struggle for her.
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