Giving up

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((matika))))))

I can only try to imagine how stressful and difficult all of this has been for you. You persevered and stayed strong, and you prevailed. If there were an Olympic medal for what you've endured and accomplished, you would surely win the Gold.

I'm glad that you had an advocate with you, and that you feel comfortable with Rachel's residential setting and caregivers. I hope that Rachel adjusts quickly and that she receives the care and treatment she needs.

May you rest and sleep well and find a job very soon.

Please keep us posted on how you, Rachel, and your son are doing.

Love & Light,

Rose

[momster]

Oh, that's so tough and I'm so sorry. It's hard enough for two adults to deal. Impossible to do it on your own in such a hard situation. Have you considered trying to get the school system to send her to a residential school? You wouldn't have to give her up - the school district pays for it. And she could come home when you could handle it. In the meantime, they might be able to teach her some of the lifeskills that she will need. And it will give you space to deal with everything else.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

[matika]

It has been now about a month that Rachel went to live at a group home. Like if Autism wasn't enough, my suspisions of schizo and bi-polar were confirmed by an evaluation. Rachel is also schizoaffective.
She continues to go down hill in the psichollogical end of things. Her rages don't make sense. Some of the things she loves the best end up broken because she looses control. She is hurting people right and left and now the new school she was placed can't handle her. Have another IEP set up to transfer her to a private school that is in a behavioral hospital, perhaps, this is the best for her.

She is now banging her head on the wall on a regular basis and am affraid she is going to end up with brain damage, or crack her skull or just screw her head even more. She has another evaluation coming mid this month for a second opinion, but there is no doubt in my mind that this new evaluation will say the same, Rachel is schizoaffective.

DDD placed Rachel at this group home, and I am still satisfied with the care they give her, I have no complains there whatsoever, they go above and beyond to take care of her and deal with her when she goes off. DDD placed her on a six month term at the time, them thinking that eventually Rachel might be able to come home and that we will be working on having her come home. They want me to get training so I know how to handle her, in other words, restraining her to keep her put until she is done with her fits or rage, but I have seen her been restrained for a very long time without her giving up. I did so at the hospital when they had her there and no one seem to know how to control her, I had to climb on top of her and hold her down, I was down with her for at least 30 minutes, and even after sedation medication was used with her, she was still raging. Finally, she had to be carried and restrains used to tie her to the bed to keep her there. Oh it has been fun, NOT. DDD will re-evaluate every six months, and since it's been 1 month with Zero improvements, actually the opposite, I trully doubt it if she will be able to come home after the first six months, and honestly, I do not want to learn how to handle my daughter in that way, I don't feel I should be made to do this.

I am still looking for work, but again it is difficult when every week, once, or twice a week, there is another appointment, meeting, incident, etc etc related to her that I have to attend to, am wondering how long should I keep doing this and putting my financial situation at risk of us loosing everything including our living arrangements because I do not have a job. Can I get a job, yes I could, easily, would they allow me to go off once, twice a week to take care of an emergency, very likely that would get me dismissed in less then a month, if at all hired because I would give heads up on the matter.

I am looking for overnight work so I can at least miss less things, but that would mean me leaving my autistic son home alone through the night, which he can handle, but there are some times he gets anxious or confused, then what? I am stuck between the point of several swords pointing at me.

I am starting to loose my own sanity over all this, even if I am now getting better sleep, still the preasure of all this is making me spin in circles, I honestly am thinking of going on antidepresants for a while, because I get so down and I just can't seem to stop crying at times, when I least expect it, tears are running down my face, I am depressed and need help.

I probably am just rumbling on and on and not making much sense, I just needed to get it all out.
Hugs all
matika

[Earth Mother 2 Angels]

((((((matika))))))

I'm glad that you are getting it all out. That's healthy. You need to do that, and we're here to listen and to support you.

Everything which you've written makes complete sense, and I feel that I have a fairly good concept of the challenges you are facing, and those confronting Rachel.

Obviously, placing Rachel outside of your home was the best thing for her and for you and your son. You saw that, and although it's ripping you apart, you made the right decision.

While I think it might be a good idea for you to be trained in how to handle Rachel when she rages, I can certainly understand your hesitancy to bring her home and have to do that with her. It's one thing to be a paid professional managing an individual with Rachel's diagnoses, and quite another to be that person's mother. In her current settings, more than one person is available to assist, if things escalate or get out of hand. You don't have that extra person or persons to come to your rescue at home.

During the next 5 months, we'll pray that Rachel makes many improvements and that her outbursts will diminish. It's a wonderful goal for Rachel to return home to her family, and that is the ideal. But the ideal isn't always reachable. What kind of in home support is DDD willing to provide for you and Rachel? Aides? Behavior specialists? Home is only the best place for Rachel, if all of her needs can be met there. You are only one person. The people, who are serving her now, work in shifts and have time off. You would be caring for Rachel 24/7. Big difference. You would need support in the home.

To protect Rachel's skull, I would recommend that she wear a helmet. Sometimes that is just necessary, as many parents here can attest. Michael wore a helmet for a few years due to his seizures. It might be worth discussing with her care givers and DDD.

A possible solution for you might be finding a job you can do from home or some form of self employment, where you are your own boss. Does your state have In Home Supportive Services (IHSS)? If so, you might investigate that as an option, should Rachel return home, you could be paid as her IHSS careprovider.

I'm so sorry for all that Rachel and you are enduring. I hope that having these additional diagnoses and being heard by the "authorities" feels like progress to you, because it is. You are being validated at last with all of your concerns for your daughter. As a result of your very difficult decision and relentless efforts, Rachel is getting the help she needs.

Please keep us updated.

Continued prayers ~

Love & Light,

Rose