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Thread: Here's what happened

  1. #21
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    jan

    yes, if you click on each person's name and then click "message" in the upper right corner, the message goes to them and is private. God does work in many ways. i pray at least one child has grown up and thinks independently and responds to you .

    (((jeannie))),
    jeannie
    WE ARE BT!
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

  2. #22
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    I had recently gotten a new cell and I had to manually enter my phone book from the old one to the new one. I transposed his son's number into the new phone. Tonight I said to myself, "Self, charge your old phone an get J's number outta yer old phone." Self said OK and I have his number. Since he is in the E time zone, I'll wait til morning to call him.

    Tomorrow I'm taking Dusty to visit his "dad". Every time I come home Dusty runs out and looks for him,
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  3. #23
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    I am feeling less stressed unless I visit Hank. After being there for 20 minutes it feels like I've been there for 2 hours. We go over the same questions and answers the entire time I'm there. I called one of his sons and he thanks me for calling, but explained that he doesn't talk much to his brothers & sister when I asked him to let them know about their dad. He sounded anxious to end the call. I feel sad for Hank because of that. My family are close and we care for each other.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  4. #24
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Default Jan dear

    I'm so sorry you have had to go thru this horrible time, but I thank God you are safe and so is Hank.

    Anything I suggest you can take it or leave it. I don't get hard feeling about anything:)

    I did something to my computer and haven't been on line much. thanks to Mike I am back and hope I don't do THAT again. lol

    If I were you I wouldn't go every day. Maybe once a week? Also when he starts with the "how did I get here, where am I, tell them to let me go, etc. Change the subject if possible. If you can't get him off the threats to leave, just say I'll see you later on and just leave.

    You know you can not reason with them. No answer is going to be right. MIL used to threaten to "walk" home. She told me one day the bigest part of the way. After that I changed my route to wherever we were going.

    When we placed Mary in NH the questions, take me home, why am I here, y'all have just thrown me away etc. It's heartbreaking and you feel like a horrible person, but you ARE NOT a horrible person. When you finally got Hank to the NH that is the kindest thing you have ever done for him.

    As to his children, you have tried to contact them, I would leave it at that. They are grown ups and if they did respond they could make your life miserable. Hang onto the love and care that your family is showing you. Then will be your rock!

    Again, I urge you to not go to NH often. This kind of thing could go on and on. You are not well Jan. You have told us. We already are praying and sending our love your way.

    I spent so much time at the NH it just about wrecked my whole life. One of my Drs. called Ken at 10:30 p.m. He told him if he didn't get others involved in caring for their Mom that he would be burying me soon. I know your health isn't good. PLEASE take care of JAN FIRST!!

    I love you Jan, Julia
    Last edited by Jo6; 02-21-2012 at 09:14 AM.
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  5. #25
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    Jan,wondering how it went taking Dusty to visit Hank? didn't realize a NH would allow that,but think it's a great idea! perhaps you & Dusty can get to know some of the other patients/visitor's?

    Dusty will need some time to adjust. glad you have a sweet doggie to keep you company as you make your own way through this time.
    Last edited by Buttons2; 02-21-2012 at 09:30 AM.

  6. #26
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    Just have you in my prayers and Hank too. I am glad you got to take Dusty. I can picture a dog waiting to greet someone so it was good for the pet also I feel. I am hoping it helped with some distraction and the questioning some. take care Jan.

  7. #27
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    I didn't asked permision to bring Dusty, I just walked in with him and went to Hank's room. He was not in is room and when we were looking in the dining room for Hank he strolled past us in the hall. He was holding his jacket , he said that he was cold. I said that I had brought his heavy terryccloth robe for him. Of course, he didn't know that. I saw him wearing it on a previous visit and found it in his suitcase. I am going to visit today before going to church, I should get there right after his supper.

    As far as his kids, I let the ones know, the ones I found, and the ball is in their court now.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  8. #28
    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    WHEW!!! I have received a message back from one of the boys, "He is not my dad and never was. He's always had Alzheimers, he's forgot about me and my brothers and sisters, all 7 of us" now do I apologize for bothering him and then forget I ever informed him?
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

  9. #29
    Distinguished Community Member Beader's Avatar
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    Hi Jan,

    I think you did your duty with due diligence and can leave it at that. You weren't the one who abandoned the kids, so you have no blame in this scenario. Hank's children had the right to know about their father and you had some obligation to tell them, but what they want to do with that info is up to them. That son's attitude does speak volumes.
    Sher
    My Life Menu: CFS probably since birth, full flavored since the 80s, with Fibromyalgia, Major Depression with a side order of Anxiety and Agoraphobia sauce, Restless Leg Syndrome with spicy Other Sleep Disorders, 11 Eye Surgeries, a generous helping of Gut Problems

  10. #30
    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    jan,

    i can't say anything better than what sher said, so not even trying. ditto.

    jeannie
    WE ARE BT!
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

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