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Thread: Adventures in My Butt

  1. #1
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    Default Adventures in My Butt

    Yes, that's what I wrote. My Butt. My Buttocks. My Booty. My Trunk Full Of Junk. My (synonym for donkey).

    Two weeks ago I was told I was starting to do better. YAY! Then I went for my massage therapy. She did THIS, then THAT, and pain began in both sciatic nerves in my legs... both buttocks.... Oh FECAL MATTER! The right side (the originally injured side) bounced back within a few days, probably b/c she was gentle ot it. My left side? TORN MUSCLE! Yep, she partially tore a gluteal muscle. (There are a lot of muscles in your butt. Don't ever tear one. Trust me.) So now my left butt was all full of pain and spasms so bad that the tissues connecting the muscle to my tailbone even hurt to the point I couldn't bear to waear clothing.... Got so bad I felt sweaty and ill. So off to the ER we go this past Saturday.... where the ER doc knows me by name now (nice man, really, he's kinda teddy bear-ish).... And here's where the Adventure in My Butt took a new turn for the weird and abgonizing.

    They gave me a shot for dilaudid. In my butt. (Did they notice where I said I hurt? APPARENTLY NOT!) So I barfed. They gave me a shot for phenergan against nausea....In my butt. I barfed again from the pain. So they gave me another shot of dilaudid. In my Butt. Again. I threw up. AGAIN. This time, I missed the nurse and got the barf bag. Oh joy. I am now so ill I am lying on the bed soaked in sweat and trembling. So what do they do?

    They inject DYE in my BUTT and send me to X-ray! (Good news, my bones are doing great. Bad news, my soft tissues are so angry that they appear to be planning secession.)

    I get back, they give me zofran for nausea and valium for the spasms. I am now so freaking stoned on dilaudid, etc., that I can't feel anything... except, alas... my butt. SOmeone asked me if I was doing okay, and I had to ask my husband, that's how stoned I was!!!

    The ER Doc---Dr. Teddy Bear, I now call him---admitted me to the hospital b/c of the "undetermined nausea" but really for the pain. Put me on oxycodone and valium and sent me to sleepy land. I stayed there till Monday. (With a few breaks to get food and have someone poke my butt to see if it still hurt. Yep, it still did.)

    So right before I leave, and my poor abused butt is finally calming down, what do they do? GIVE ME A SHOT IN THE BUTT! (Dilaudid again. Great for pain, except the pain caused by getting it shot into my butt, of course.)

    I am home on Percocet, Valium, ice packs and in a state of mild hysteria torn between despair (will I ever get better?) and giggles (OMG, my backside didn't get this much attention when I was 19 and cute!).... My rehab doc said NO MORE massage. (DUH.) But.... Check it out people... TOMORROW....I GET NEEDLES IN MY BUTT. AGAIN. This time, it is Percutaneous Electro-Nerve Stimulation. They put acupuncture-type needles 2 centimeters into my butt (always and again with my butt!!!)... and then send electric current through them. OH BOY! This is to disrupt pain signals. I hope it works, or someone ELSE's butt is gonna be in serious trouble!

    Anyway, that's what has kept me away.... That and the hysterical emotional outbursts caused by trying to deal with this and the fact it may take ANOTHER YEAR before I am well. I heard that and just wept for days.... The worst is, the butt muscles are able to irritate pelvic ligaments that we girls (not boys) have to hold our uteruses (uteri?!) in place....and that then irritates bladders....

    My consolation? My rehab doc and the ER doc between them have confirmed that 1. my pelvic bones are IN PLACE and staying there, 2. my body is in symmetry, 3. I have regained some range of motion and flexibility and 4. there is no LASTING nerve damage. A pity there's no end ot the pain quite yet. Oy and ugh and sigh.

    I hope some of this was somewhat amusing. I am laughing, tho' that may be to avoid screaming!
    Dx: Epilepsy; depression; chronic GERD and peptic ulcer disease; pelvis and spine damage from accident.

  2. #2
    Distinguished Community Member houghchrst's Avatar
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    Oh God Leo I am so sorry, seems never ending doesn't it. I really hope you get some kind of relief soon. Course good meds help make things tolerable lol. I had to stop laughing long enough to read your post and I do believe that may be one of the best thread titles I have seen. A few things sit in my mind all through my reading but I wouldn't want to make you the butt of my jokes.

    I am glad to see you back here, don't want you to get too behind.

    Sounds like your massage therapist was a pain in your butt.

    Aaaahh.....I got nothing,
    next

  3. #3

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    I almost choke on the piece of candy I was eating when I read your title, that is one the best one I have seen. I am so sorry that you are going thru hope you will be better soon.

  4. #4
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    Leo, you and your butt are really in rough shape. I sure hope you are healing. How in the world could she tear a muscle? (((HUG)))
    Take care,
    Dawn

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    Distinguished Community Member tic chick's Avatar
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    leo ,

    so sad to hear about your bum butt.

    i'm with dawn, i also want to know how a massage therapist could tear a muscle?

    i sure hope it doesn't take a year for the muscle to heal!

    what a pain in the butt.

    (((hugs))),
    jeannie
    Here's to good women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
    "The world is a better place when you're barefoot." Mark
    "Don't go there unless you know the way back." TC
    "...there will be an answer. Let it be." Paul McCartney

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    Leo,I will never think of "pain in the butt" the same way again! maybe they said next year you will be better (versus in a year)? good to know you have your sense of humor. ((((gentle upper body hugs)))) Pati

  7. #7
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    Poor baby! I think I had heard it all now, your poor arse has been thru the grinder and back again. Yes, I would also like to know how on earth could she have torn a muscle? the face of Nurse Ratchet comes to mind, you know what a butt she was!!

    You do make a post interesting, but the title had it set up, just right!! lol Now I'm not laughing at you, just wondering how you are managing sitting or even lying down and telling this tale had to be exhausting.

    Actually, I am speechless. that doesn't look right butt don't think it matters. You take care and take special care of your arse. You know, its hard to walk with one cheek numb and the other one shaking from the pain.

    good to here from you, we were missing you. take care, Jo
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  8. #8
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    Hi Leo,

    I have 2 herniated disc and siatic (sp?) nerve damage from a back injury a few yrs. ago. I've learned to take vitamin B12 1000 mcg. once a day to help kill the pain and it also reduces the seizures from epilepsy which I also have.
    cut back on the caffeine and sweets and you will see a difference in the butt pain. Just be good and don't be a pain in the butt to anyone including yourself (just joking!) Here's wishing you well and May God Bless You!

    Sue

  9. #9
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    Sue, sad to say, I haven't touched caffeine since 2003 and don't do sweets anyway, so that really won't help, LOL! (Maybe if I add it?) Nerve pain is NOT the issue---it's the terrible muscle and tendon and ligament damage I suffered, causing serious swelling and so on, but that all went undiagnosed for 5 months before I got treatment started. Which, of course, means MORE pain b/c we had to put things BACK, and the ones that had half-healed all half-tore....And we did have L5 nerve damage, whcih healed with treatment, thank goodness.

    BTW, the massage therapist tore a butt muscle simply by applying too much pressure in the wrong direction. When a muscle is already stressed, as many of mine are, injury can occur very easily, and when you've been in spasm, it's amazingly easy.

    The sciatica is calmed back down (yay) altho' we've a long way to go to get that muscle healed. The pain radiates up to the sacro-iliac and lower back---and yes, we've gotten that confirmed by two docs, the joints and lower back are okay in themselves---but not much to do about that with the holidays upon us. I can't get in to see anyone for anything more till January. Ack!
    Dx: Epilepsy; depression; chronic GERD and peptic ulcer disease; pelvis and spine damage from accident.

  10. #10
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    Sue it has been wonderful having you join us here and tho I am sorry for your troubles, I am glad to have you be one of us, so please let this be permanent not just a visit. And Leo just reading and thinking about your aches and pains makes mine want to shrivel up more themself. I hope those muscles etc relax and let you have some relief and do so in a hurry. It is awful always having something hurting somewhere. take very good care of your aching body.
    Last edited by joy; 12-21-2011 at 03:00 PM. Reason: spelling

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