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Thread: Lonely Holiday

  1. #1
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    Default Lonely Holiday

    Hi Folks,

    I want to wish each and everyone of you a wonderful and joyful Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year! I will be alone this holiday season for the 10th yr. on Christmas eve my family has always gotten together and had a
    wonderful time visiting, having dinner, and watching the little ones open their gifts but 10 yrs. ago I went to the family gathering with gifts for the family and my brother walked in the door and said: "What are you doing here?" Then
    he walked away from me when I told him " I brought the families gifts over." Since that time I have never gone to any family gatherings because I feel rejected and unloved. I've been married for 25 yrs. and my brother has never come
    over to visit me or even called me on the phone. I've invited him and his family over to our home 14 times, written to him, and called him but he will never do a darn thing to have a relationship with me all because I have epilepsy. The
    thing that's strange is I've had epilepsy for 39 yrs. and we got along fine yrs. ago but now he's turned himself away from me and I'm afraid to go to any family gatherings for fear that he will get angry at me like he did 10 yrs. ago on Christma
    Eve because I came over to be with the family. I will still be with my husband but it's just not the same and I miss seeing the rest of my family. Thanks for letting me vent and getting this off my shoulders. Another thing that bothers me is
    how my mom won't speak to him about this and she's on his side all the way. Here's wishing you only the best and May God Bless All of You!

    Sue

  2. #2
    Distinguished Community Member Ging's Avatar
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    Honey, do you know why he rejects you? Does he have a phobia about epilepsy ? I know how that hurt you, I have had that kind of hurt myself before, it cuts you so deeply. He is your blood kin and you would think he would always remember that. I am sorry he hurt you Sue, and I do wish you a very Merry Christmas . God bless you
    GING:)

  3. #3

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    Are the gatherings at HIS house? If not, then you are isolating yourself from all the family gatherings just because ONE member has an issue. It happens in almost every family that someone has some issue with another family member. You go and ignore the other person, and grab at the joy and fellowship with everyone else. If HE has an issue... he can leave! That's what the relatives I know do when all are invited to some wonderful gathering. The one with the issue can grin and bear it, or leave. But the ones HE has a problem with, STAYS and enjoys! I know you feel hurt. It is HIS problem.

    If the gatherings are at HIS home (your brother's), well, obviously, that's a different story, and all I can suggest is to start hosting the family gatherings at YOUR home if at all possible (and of course, include him - it'll then be HIS choice whether to come or exclude himself). Or, Assist with hosting it at another relatives home.

    In the meantime, I am very sorry you are isolated and lonely. And if these gatherings are at your brother's house, that is very very sad, and I am surprised your family is letting him get away with this.
    Last edited by Naominjw; 12-17-2011 at 06:38 AM.

  4. #4
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    Hi Ging,

    Thanks for your support and understanding. I have no idea why my brother rejects me we got along fine until he got married in 1981 and after that our relationship went down hill. My brother has known about my epilepsy since he was a kid at age 15 and he is almost
    54 yrs. old now. I have other family members that have accepted me and we have good times together but when my brother is at any of the family gatherings and I'm there he gets mad and I don't want to ruin everyones Christmas because of his attitude towards me
    which I don't understand. My brother even got mad at me when he found out that my husband and I bought a double wide home 18 yrs. ago. When he found out about the home he called me an S.O.B. (sorry) and walked out the door. I canceled the house warming
    my mom had planned for my husband and I when he did this. I wonder if it's all pride my brother has that's getting in the way. Thank you for your love and time. May God Bless You and Have a Joyful and Blessed Christmas.

    Sue

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    Hi Naominjw,

    Thank you for your support and understanding. The gathering used to be at my Grandparents house but now it's at my Aunts house since my grandparents have passed away. I understand where you are coming from but take my word if anyone had to walk
    out the door it would be me. The last time I tried to go over to any family get together was at my cousins graduation and it was at his home when my brother saw me there he got angry at me for no reason and walked away and this upset the rest of the family. This
    is the main reason why I don't go to family gathering my brother has to ruin it for the rest of the family if I show up and I don't want that to happen to the rest of my family. I've tried having gatherings at my home but nobody will come except my cousin and his family
    my brother turns my mom away from me along with the rest of the family. My aunt is fed up with the way my brother has been treating me and she told me she's had just about enough of it. I've done everything I can to better myself. I've had 2 brain surgeries to help
    reduce my epilepsy and I risked my life each time but that still wasn't good enough for my brother. As I told Dawn I wonder if pride has gotten the best of him. Thanks for your support and understanding. May God Bless You!

    Sue

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    Big hugs to you. It is an awful weird things with families. I outta know. Hubby and I ended up adopting kids to have a family. We made sure not to quit until we had two and that was no easy thing to do. And what do we get for all this? Well years later after each of our children, the girl has a girl and the boy a boy. They both stopped at one. My daugher because of seziures and son well my best guess is money. Theey want beyond their money is how I see it.


    Anyway at one of our holiday get-to-gethers there were words between son and daughter. It is way to long to go into all the details but I see it as just plain old jealousy at the bottom of my childrens problems, mostly on sons part and he refuses to accept any further talk or forgivness towards his sister. I feel so bad for you and truly hope things change before it is too late. Please visit with us and stick around here even after the holidays. I think you will find this is a good group of people.

  7. #7
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    Hi Joy,

    I'm sorry that your son and daughter are having problems and I hope that they will work them out just like I want to work things out. I think that it's wonderful that you and your husband adopted the kids. I tried calling my
    brother today (Sunday) but didn't have any luck because he wasn't home but I don't want to give up as far as a relationship with my brother.

    I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has seizures, I spend a lot of time on the epilepsy forum. My brother was also angry about the money my parents spent on me when I first got epilepsy and this could also be a reason why
    he doesn't want to speak with me or have a relationship with me. Thanks for your time and help. May God Bless You!

    Sue

  8. #8
    Distinguished Community Member Jo6's Avatar
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    ((((Sue)))) what a puzzling situation you are trying to deal with. I truely am sorry for all the grief you are getting. I don't understand why anybody would behave toward anybody else just because they have Epilepsy.

    I have 3 son's and 1 daughter and we never get together without somebody getting their feelings hurt. The excuses they give me are never worth a hill of beans, but if I try to "settle it" they both turn on me.

    Now we have a bunch of grands. They are acting a bit like their parents. I have spoken to several of them earlier and told them their Papa & I expected to have a nice Christmas with no bickering and fighting.((fussing)) If they had problems with each other to leave the problems at the doorstep. We may end up not having anybody here.

    It was bad enough when it was just my kids, but now they are all in their 40's and oldest is 50. When I saw what was happening with the grand children I thought I would just speak up. It got so bad hubby and I dreaded to see them all come and it should not be that way.

    Sue, I lost my oldest brother then another brother and my dear sister, a neice and nephew and their grandmother on hubbys side in such a short period of time. My kids were all very close to all of them and I do think it has made at least some of them realize we had no promise of a tomorow. I miss my family terribly. Both my parents have passed and so has Ken's. If this doesn't cause them to stop and think before their nonsense fussing I don't think anything will.

    I don't know what to tell you dear, I wish I had the magic answers. It sounds like your brother is jealous of something, but if it is because you are not well and get more attention at times I'm sure you would be glad to not have bad health. It is his loss and if other family is afraid to go against him it's also their loss.

    Maybe if you went anyway, acted like nothing in the world bothered you maybe after a time others would join you. I know it is hard and believe me, I know how it feels. I just wish I could help.

    Please take care and like Joy said, come around here with us, most of us will be around most of the time. I've come here so long all of you feel like family to me, anyway!:)

    My love , Jo ((((((Sue))))))
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben

  9. #9
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    Hi (((Jo6))),
    Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I'm very sorry that you have had to go through the same thing with your kids and I hope and pray that things will turn around for your family and the family will all get along.

    I look over the yrs. and it seems that there's a lot more anger in the world compared to what it was like back in the 1960's and before. If my brother is jealous I have no idea what he is jealous about, the only thing I can
    think of is how my husband and I have done everything on our own without asking the family to help us out. I learned to be very independent when I was in my teens because I went to a boarding school for 3 yrs. and didn't live
    with my family because I lived out of state. The reason why this happened is because the public school I went to kicked me out of school because of my epilepsy but I came back in my junior yr. of high school. Since that time
    I have learned to take care of myself and not to run to my family for help. When my husband and I got married we got our own apartment and paid rent for 7 yrs. then we bought our home and did it all on our own without the
    family helping us. where my brother got property from our grandparents and got a loan from other family members to pay for the land. My brother also got a buiding job from my father when he had his own business going. I've
    gotten all my jobs on my own except the job I've had for the past 26 yrs. which is a teacher aide job in public school. When I meant my husband he told me about the job and he wrote a nice letter to the school and after that I got
    the job. My brother should be happy he has 3 beautiful grown kids and 1 grandson. My husband and I didn't have any kids because the meds I take for epilepsy could have put the baby at risk for medical problems. All I can do
    is pray and hope that my brother will wake up before it's to late and time has run out. He needs to realize how he is hurting our mother when he rejects me. I know it would make my mother very happy to see the 2 of us together
    and having a happy time like we did yrs. ago when we were kids. Thanks for your help and time and I'm sure I will be here a lot.
    May God Bless You!
    Sue Love People not things, Use things not people.

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    Distinguished Community Member JanM's Avatar
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    Mayhaps you should go to the family gathering and when he says something nasty, just smile at him and say sweetly, "Merry Christmas" and go back to the person you were talking to. Remembering the the reason for the season is to celebrate the birth of the Christ Child! If he continues, say sweetly, "Thank you for your imput." and go back to your conversation.
    Last edited by JanM; 12-19-2011 at 07:48 AM.
    I'm just where God wants me to be, not one step ahead nor one step behind........

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