Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 36

Thread: Who are you without your MS? Loss of identity essay that touched a nerve in me.

  1. #21
    Distinguished Community Member agate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    6,733
    Blog Entries
    11

    Default

    Your story sounds like an illustration of the saying that while the cat's away, the mice play. Or is there somebody's law that says that stuff expands to fill the available space?*

    Maybe you and he need to have a discussion, and he needs to agree to clear the stuff out even if he ends up paying to put it in storage. And given a deadline--a date after which you'll feel free to hire someone to clear it out, using your judgment about what to discard. I can almost guarantee that he won't like that idea, and it might prompt him to meet the deadline, which should be some time in the next week or so, with no excuses or postponements.

    After all, you live there and have special needs. A lot of stuff that is in your way isn't one of those needs.

    *It's a variant of Parkinson's Law:
    • Your stuff accumulates to fill the size of your home.
    Last edited by agate; 10-28-2017 at 04:24 PM.
    MS diagnosed 1980. Avonex 2002-2005. Copaxone 6/07 - 5/10.
    Member of this MS board since 2001.

  2. The following 6 users say "thanks"


  3. #22
    Distinguished Community Member BBS1951's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,218

    Default

    My understanding Of hoarding is that itís not a behavior disorder. It is an anxiety problem. The thought of giving away a belonging, or a scrap of paper triggers severe anxiety. Keeping it stops that anxiety. Until the next time. The consequence of losing a marriage is painful, but not as painful as the anxiety. So the person does not change except in the short term, without treatment.

    Likely Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help a lot.
    Last edited by BBS1951; 10-29-2017 at 01:24 AM.

  4. The following 5 users say "thanks"


  5. #23
    Distinguished Community Member Lazarus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    western MA
    Posts
    992

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BBS1951 View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    My understanding Of hoarding is that it’s not a behavior disorder. It is an anxiety problem. The thought of giving away a belonging, or a scrap of paper triggers severe anxiety. Keeping it stops that anxiety. Until the next time. The consequence of losing a marriage is painful, but not as painful as the anxiety. So the person does not change except in the short term, without treatment.

    Likely Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help a lot.
    This is perfect.
    Linda~~~~

    Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says:"Oh Crap, She's up!"

  6. The following 6 users say "thanks"


  7. #24
    Distinguished Community Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    central Wisconsin
    Posts
    808

    Default

    Yeah, it's an anxiety thing. Massive anxiety thing. There have been times when I've had folks come in and clean out some of the stuff while he's been off camping...and when he's come home, he's had a massive panic attack because his stuff has been moved. Just this last month when he was away for four days, my maid came in --- and we didn't toss anything but empty envelopes, sheets of paper with nothing on them, those pesky inserts from magazines that fall out when you look at them, that sort of thing. And pilled up his of magazines and articles he prints off the internet..put them into a neat stack. Left the stack in the general area where it was, spilling over, now in a neat stack. And he was nearly hysterical.

    He's 76. Ailing (he has a form of leukemia). Stubborn German. Doesn't believe in psychology/psychiatry/counseling. So while I fully realize that would help tremendously, it ain't gonna happen. And yes, BBS has it right --- throwing away those scraps of paper triggered severe anxiety. He didn't believe us when I assured him that we did not throw away so much as a scrap of paper that had any printing or writing on it that wasn't an ad. Didn't matter...we threw it away and he wasn't ready to do that. (Of course he's never ready).

    Oh well. But the GOOD news...maybe you will understand, now, why I sometimes get cranky. :) It's not YOU, it's my cluttered life!
    ...I am not a doctor nor medical professional, and don't pretend to be one, here... :o

  8. The following 6 users say "thanks"


  9. #25
    Distinguished Community Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    W. Mass
    Posts
    132

    Default

    Iím nobody, who are you?

  10. The following 5 users say "thanks"


  11. #26
    Distinguished Community Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    central Wisconsin
    Posts
    808

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ssusan View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I’m nobody, who are you?
    Hi, there!! I remember you!! Glad to see you stop by!
    ...I am not a doctor nor medical professional, and don't pretend to be one, here... :o

  12. The following 5 users say "thanks"


  13. #27
    Distinguished Community Member BBS1951's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,218

    Default

    It sounds stressful. Would he participate in marriage counseling with you? For some men, that’s a way to ease into cognitive behavioral therapy. In a marital session, the psychologstcsn introduce the paradigm. It often intrigues the patient, because they can see the logic of the CBT work, no need to delve into childhood etc.

    If not, then Try this workbook:https://www.amazon.com/Treatment-Hoa.../dp/0199334943

    It looks promising. He can try it on his own, or at least read it. It might spark an interest. Or you can read it and translate it to him as a way of enticing him to read it?

    There are also good workbooks on Panic Disorder. This one by David Barlow is excellent
    He originated the CBT for panic disorders.

    https://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Your-...tacks+workbook

    It’s not too late for TC. It’s not like he is dying tomorrow. Some people rapidly improve with CBT. Sure, it’s helpful to have a psychologist as a guide, but the books are darn good for those who won’t go.
    Last edited by BBS1951; 10-29-2017 at 02:40 PM.

  14. The following 3 users say "thanks"


  15. #28
    Distinguished Community Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    3,294

    Default

    This helps me to understand my former friend's brother. (The guy I went with for 18 1/2 years) His older brother is a medical Doctor, then my friend is an attorney, their sister has a PHD - and then there is the youngest. As my friend use to say David is a "Ner-do-well". The nicest person one could ever hope to meet. I liked him a lot. He is a great photographer, guitar player and singer. He and wife had two children and he adored them, as they did him.

    Anyway, one time my friend told me David's wife was so depressed he had to go over and take over the bills and pay them. She was put on anti-depressants. At that time I was fairly new in the relationship and did not understand that David had a problem. He is a hoarder. When the kids got through high school and oldest was in college she moved herself out into an apartment. On her own she made more money than he did. She had great job with Federal Government. After she left, my friend stopped taking me to their house. All along it had been her keeping it just half way presentable. She later told me that she had a dumpster outside the house which she would throw his things in to get rid of them later and when she would leave he would go in the dumpster and get half or more back out.

    So....she divorced him and has remarried and moved out of town. As far as I know she is happy, though they are still friends and stay in contact at family functions. I suppose it is partly due to the kids. As I said, he is one of the nicest persons one could meet.
    Now I understand her situation a little better. Also, he would not keep the house up as far as work on it was concerned. He still has won out from what I hear from the Sister. He sold some land for over a million dollars that he inherited and had a house in the country built that has a three car garage. So maybe it will take him some time to fill up the garage before he starts in the house.
    Virginia

  16. The following 5 users say "thanks"


  17. #29
    Distinguished Community Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    W. Mass
    Posts
    132

    Default

    Hi CAt Dancer
    Iíve been around some; most recently posting on Ocrevus threads.

  18. The following 5 users say "thanks"


  19. #30
    Distinguished Community Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Red Sox Nation :D
    Posts
    2,286

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ssusan View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I’m nobody, who are you?

    I'm nobody, too!
    Then there's a pair of us!
    Don't tell! they'd banish us you know!

    Thanks for the Dickinson, ssusan. ;-)
    There comes a time when silence is betrayal.- MLK

  20. The following 5 users say "thanks"


Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Hypoglossal nerve damage/issue
    By Tylerprk in forum General Neurology & Rare Disorders
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-22-2015, 06:31 PM
  2. Is a nerve conduction test painful?
    By Traveler in forum General Neurology & Rare Disorders
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-01-2015, 06:13 AM
  3. I love this Washington Post essay. Hope you do too.
    By Lazarus in forum Multiple Sclerosis
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-03-2014, 10:25 PM
  4. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-24-2013, 06:21 PM
  5. A blog post on the loss of a child and grieving loss in general
    By Donna Thomson in forum Coping with the loss of a child
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-05-2013, 07:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


BTC Inc's Disclaimer and Privacy Policy

The material on this site is for information & support purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice provided by a licensed health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything that you find online.