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A "tic" ing timebomb

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    A "tic" ing timebomb

    Hello all! Im a 37 year old woman with undiagnosed Tourettes. I've had tics for as long as I can remember. It was the "family joke". " There you go again, or, SIT STILL FOR GODS SAKE!!" I was completely cross-eyed until I was 3. In order to compensate for this, I began swaying my head to each side in a figure 8 motion, much like Stevie Wonder does. After getting corrective eye surgery, I continued to sway my head. This was a constant source of ridicule and shunning by my peers. Social situations became stressful, almost terrifying. Thus creating a strong urge to tic. But I forced myself to suppress them. I felt alone. Ashamed. Just...different. Afraid of making friends. Kids are cruel. They would roll their heads around and sing "I just Called to say I Love You." In third grade, I told the teacher that my classmate was making fun of me. To which she replied, "Oh, just go roll your head!" I felt betrayed, helpless and alone. Sure, my mother had a nice little chat with her, but it changed nothing. I didn't talk to my mom about it. I couldn't. She'd just dismiss it as me being "such a drama queen". I couldn't tell my step-dad; he was too busy with sporting events, beating my brother, and coming everyone we were the perfect family. So I spent most of my time alone with my music and my books.
    Fast forward to age 15. I had a couple of friends. The black sheep crowd. It was then I discovered alcohol. The more I drank, the more comfortable I was. The tics subsided then. I felt FREE!! My love of the drink and love overwhelming desire for love sent me into a downward spiral, taking the ones I held most dear with me. My inability to accept myself for who I am, and LOVE MYSELF caused me to lose my children. The state took my babies away from me. I couldn't give them the life they deserve. I tried to get them back, but the government has its " own way if doing things ". A single parent who fled an extremely abusive marriage. A woman whose tics and anxieties interfered with her ability to hold down a job. No car. No money. NO FUTURE. I drank. A lot. It was my only coping skill. I didn't want my children growing up taking care of their drunk of a mom. So before the state TOOK my parental rights, I signed them away. For them. That's a pain I don't wish on anyone. It almost killed me. A few times.
    Now I have almost 2 years sober! In a relationship with my Twin Flame, he not only acknowledges my tics; he EMBRACES them! After MANY long years of relying on psychiatriata to listen to and help me, I've been picked at prodded, labelled, and medicated to my breaking point!! Whenever I broach the Tourettes subject, it is promptly dismissed, rediagnosed, an re-medicated. I feel like a GUINEA PIG! And the meds I take for the depression, the bi-polar, the PTSD...they sure as **** don't help! Some make my tics so bad they trigger anxiety attacks!
    Im willing to try CBT. But what I really want is a NATURAL way to curb the severity of the tics. Constant daily motor and vocal tics, constantly redirecting the tics in public, always making sure people don't see/hear me tic over 35 years...I'm drained. And now, my body just ACHES due to the muscle and joint strain my tics cause. I NEED HELP!!!

    ((((((SwirlyGirl78)))))) ~


    I'm glad that you found us. I am not qualified to address Tourette's Syndrome, but I want to welcome you and let you know that I've contacted one of our members, who is an expert. I hope that she will be able to help you.

    You've certainly endured a great amount of trauma in your young life, and coping with the side effects of the meds you're taking, must be quite difficult for you.

    Since you are seeking natural alternatives, my first suggestion would be finding a Naturapath for a consultation. You might be helped through diet, through vitamin therapy, through counseling, through acupuncture, etc. There might be homeopathic alternatives to the pharmaceuticals you're taking. Perhaps you would benefit from yoga, Tai Chi, meditation...

    Congratulations on your 2 years of sobriety! I'm sure that took a lot for you to accomplish, so hold onto that achievement and move forward from there. If you can do that, you can do anything.

    You did what you felt was best for your children, and no one should fault you for that. But people change, and you have changed, so don't give up hope that you may be reunited with your children.

    You are worthy of love and respect, and you've found this with your Twin Flame. Let that relationship strengthen you to move forward.

    Stay strong, and start looking for "outside the box" alternatives to help you heal.

    Love & Light,

    Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.


      hey swirlygirl !

      welcome to braintalk (bt)! i do know how to capitalize, but i'm lazy .

      there are still a few of us left that post here and have tourette syndrome. i usually post in the emotional support forum because it's a little busier there and i've found a great support group there.

      so, i'm going to be 61 soon, but i am not old. i pretty much escaped my childhood by reading books and listening to music, too. i know i started ticcing at around age 5. usually kids asked me why i blinked my eyes. that was my most obvious tic. i had 3 or 4 really good friends. i was pretty much a square in the age of hippies. i started smoking cigarettes and drinking beer at 18, when it was legal. i also noticed when i drank that i ticced less and was calmer, but i never got into drinking heavily because it just didn't appeal to me. now food....that was more my addiction. i quit smoking around age 30. i wasn't dx'ed with ts until age 31, although i had read an article on ts in the newspaper when i was 19 and i immediately knew that was the disease i had.

      ts isn't really one disease. it's a combination of many. most people with ts have one or more umbrella disorders, which are diseases in the neurological spectrum, like adhd, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, etc. i see you're in massachusetts, which has masssachusetts general hospital and it's famed neurology department. personally i would find one neurologist and one primary care physician that you like and trust. as you've found out, there are so many medications that they can give you for whatever ails you. pick out your worst it the ts? the bi-polar? the ptsd and anxiety? then treat that. if you've had ts this long, it's not going to go away. i know about the daily motor and vocal tics and the pain and joint strain that goes with them. that's where a good primary care physician comes in handy. if i have pain from a tic for more than a day, i always have pain meds and muscle relaxants on hand. if those don't work in 3 days, i go get a massage to get rid of the pain, usually i have neck pain from tics. one of the features of my ts is that i will purposefully tic the muscle that has the pain and it'll hurt more. i need to break that cycle and that's why my primary care doc knows i have ts and what i do and why he prescribes me meds i can have on hand to help.only one drug, called abilify, helped me with my tics. it got rid of about 80% of them. i had 2 years of relief and then the med started causing my ocd to flare and i couldn't take anymore. i am only on one med, a benzodiazepine called klonopin. i also developed ptsd after an incident when i was 18. i started having panic attacks and agoraphobia. i went to the neuro doc who dx'ed me with ts and we started trying to find something to help. klonopin took away my panic attacks in 2 weeks. i was pretty happy about that as i had 3 young children and it was hard to hide the panic attacks from them. i've tried prolly 20-30 drugs for my ts. nothing works very well or for very long. i am happy to be almost anxiety and panic attack free for the last 27 years.

      it was a courageous and hard decision to make to sign away parental rights to your children. i am sorry for your pain over that. i hope you can keep in touch with them and i hope when they get older that they want to have a relationship with you. it's nice to have someone to share your life and who accepts your tics. congratulations on your 2 years of sobriety . i left a husband because of his alcoholism and my sister is an alcoholic. it is hard to watch people you love abuse themselves and start taking you down their rabbit hole. keep on the road to recovery! it's a daily forever process!

      cbt (cognitive brain therapy) might help you understand your past better and that might lessen your anxiety, but it will not stop you from ticcing. long ago, this forum had a group of moms who were trying supplements for their children's tics. some moms had mild success with supplements. if you want to try that, i would talk to a naturopathic doctor and i would even try acupuncture!

      if you'd like to private message me here, just click on my name "tic chick" and then click on "send private message". i'm not here everyday right now because i'm trying to get fall planting finished before i start raking leaves and cleaning up the garden and yard for winter.

      you know, everybody has something wrong with them or will have something wrong with them. let out your tics if you really feel stressed. you'll never see most of the people who see you tic. when i started telling my friends and family about my tics, i started to tic less. hiding tics seems to make me really want to get them out.

      congratulations! you are a survivor! the past is gone and yes, hopefully the future will be better. the only day we have to live is today.

      once again, welcome to bt,
      Last edited by tic chick; 10-11-2015, 08:43 PM.
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