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    I should write here

    I think I know what you mean.
    Lorraine (lor)

    hi Lor

    I'm not sure what you are refering to, but I would certainly say you were a garegiver! A darn good one at that. You work harder trying to care for your FIL that many paid caregivers.

    You can trust me, I know what I am speaking of!! We paid one of my sisters to take care of my Mom. She set her own hours, expected one of the other 3 girls to take over at 5:00 pm and one of us 3 stayed from 5:00 till 7:00 or 8:00 am. didn't work on Saturday or Sunday and the list goes on. Anytime Mom needed something she would call me at work and tell me what to get and when she needed it!

    I would have moved mountains for my Mom, but I was running the business by myself when my sister walked out one day and just said she wouldn't be back. We were set up as a partnership, but it didn't work out that way. She left me holding the bag, bills to pay, loans to pay off, wouldn't even sign papers so I could file for ownership. I finally got all the loans paid, hired someone that worked MY hours.

    I gave sister a check every week and I paid bills with everything else. Never took a salary myself. I finally got on my feet and did a dogone good job of running things myself if I might say so. I decided to close my business to just move in with my Mom. For nearly 2 months I didn't even come home. I was glad to spend this time with Mom because I knew she didn't have long. We kept right on paying sister and she did less and less.

    So, I degress. You need to figure out what you can and what you can't do, and think twice before you say "Ill do it". They will expect more and more (family) from you and sometimes I think you forget you are not well yourself!!

    I mean this with love, Lor because I care very much about you. I understand your desire to help your FIL because that is the loving and kind person you are. The others don't fret because they know you will do it.

    Talk to a Social Worker. Have them come out and they will look things over and tell you what you need to do. There is help to be had for the elderly, you just have to get in touch with the right person. The others don't have to know you contacted them. In my experience they work well with someone that is willing to take their advice.

    See if you can get some help. That would do wonders for you if you had someone else working with you. That way you can spend more quality time with FIL instead of worring if you can do what he wants and most of all what he needs.

    So, think about this, maybe run it by your husband, but only you know if he will take it well or not. While he is at work try calling Social Services and they will point you in the right direction.

    Good luck and we are all behind you whatever you decide to do.

    All my love, Jo
    Did you ever know that you're my hero and every thing I would like to be I can fly higher than an eagle
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings

    for my brother Ben


      Oh jo, I feel so bad now. I don't even remember why I wrote that. I'm not caring for my FIL. I feel like I lied to you & then you wrote all those nice comments while believing me. He is in the hosp. He was in a rehab place & maybe I mentioned that & you thought I was meaning me when I was talking of my nurse. I also might have mentioned how I think caregivers are so important & wonderful. As a matter of fact, my daughter is a visiting caregiver while going to college to get her nursing degree.
      Lorraine (lor)


        Lor, I didn't go back to page 1,so not sure what you wrote. however I do recall all that you did for your FIL & you have nothing to feel bad about!

        you were always concerned about him & asked for advice about the different issues that came up.

        then every weekend your DH spent time with his father & you were wanting some time with your DH since he was gone during the week.

        I know you must be going through all your old posts?? to try & fit the pieces to the puzzle together??

        we understand this. your near death experience last winter left you with some memory gaps.

        you've always shown compassion for everyone in your family. now it's time for them to care for YOU.

        you have nothing to apologize for Lor!


          Well said Pati. It's very hard going from being a caregiver to needing one. We tend to spread ourselves thin despite our abilities.


            Lor I agree with what they all have said. You did tell what you did for FIL. To you it might not have seemed like much but I can tell you, if I had the support you gave when I was taking care of my mother, things would have been a lot easier on me thus on mother.

            We all just want you to think of yourself now and rest.

            Also I saw where you mentioned legs hurting and back. Did you know if you have a kidney/and or bladder infection that that can make all those things hurt? I just pushed waiting to go to doctor a little to long this time and found that out myself. I think that nurse practioner remarked about 4 times how high my numbers etc were when I finally went and was checked.

            Maybe you should go and be checked out further yourself.