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    #16
    Rose and to EVERYONE, I see the Interventional Radiologist this Wednesday. I am scared out of my wits. I evidently have a CNS issue in addition to the cancer they found in my liver. I will soon be seeing an oncologist. as to when I don't know. My body hurts. I am already on PM, , My bones hurt, My mouth hurts, I have NO teeth, I have an upper plate, this is addition to other aches and s pain elsewhere so I have a nice smile - easier to eat without, I am having feelings, that I WILL NOT act on, (Houghchrist, bet you understand), I want to live, NO SI/HI but I am digging deep into my faith to continue on. Too much of the world I want to see,()not the parts I saw in my service), depression is a <<<<<. Esp. when you realize you have been Gaslighted by someone who you considered a true friend - Now I know. As in "NO More-Sayeth the Raven" (E.A.Poe". I know I am lucky, I am good in the material, stable housing, etc. Now I am working even harder to be rich in Spirit and Heart, I will be looking into Volunteer work to help others, Thank you for reading this .
    God Bless All
    Alex44
    AKA Rev. Steve
    Blessings.

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      #17
      Oh Alex I feel so terrible for you. Just remember to breathe, pray, meditate, get outside at least once a day. I know it hurts. I know you are terrified. I feel you friend. We are here for you. If I were there I would give you the biggest hug, Covid be damned. I am glad they are giving you something for pain. Please keep us updated.

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        #18
        Thank you everyone: I asked for answers, I got them. we will see. I am Meditating, doing the breathing exercises, ETC. Be careful what you wish for, I got answers and am awaiting more, until then, I am going to fight, live life to the fullest and pray.
        Blessing to all
        Alex44

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          #19
          ((((((Alex)))))) ~

          What did you learn from your visit with the Interventional Radiologist? Is this doctor going to do a biopsy?

          You should have seen an oncologist by now. The oncologist coordinates all of your care and determines which treatment(s) is best for you. Do you know why you haven't been sent to an oncologist yet?

          It can take weeks, sometimes months, to get biopsy results. During that time, you need an oncologist to ensure that you are receiving the appropriate care for any and all other issues you may have, in addition to cancer.

          So, I recommend that you contact the physician, who has referred you to the radiologist and for the testing, and ask when you will be seeing an oncologist, and why you aren't seeing one already.

          You should also have access to ancillary professionals, such as a nutritionist, a social worker/counselor, a Nurse Practitioner, and even a therapist to help you work through what you are facing.

          Please advocate for yourself, which I know you can do, as you've done it so many times before.

          It is quite painful, when someone you trust, betrays you. Try to find ways to release that hurt and sadness, because it is interfering with your physical health. Just remember that we are all responsible for our own behavior. So, the onus is on the person, who gaslighted you. That is that person's problem, not yours, and you are better off being free of that person than being dragged down by a false relationship.

          You need to let go of that hurt, so that you can focus fully on your health and whatever may await you with medical care and treatment. Look forward. Don't look back. We can't change the past, but we can make today the best it can be and have hope for a better tomorrow.

          Keep breathing, keep meditating, keep praying.

          You continue to be in my prayers, and I send you healing, positive energy.

          We're here for you, Alex. You are not alone. We are with you in Spirit.

          Love & Light,



          Rose

          *Virtual Hugs Are Germ-Free!



          THANKS!
          Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

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            #20
            Rose, Everyone, Thank you for your support. I have always been honest here, esp. when asked a direct question. So here goes: Yes, I saw the interventional Radiologist. He had wanted to do an ablation and some other things. He said he was sorry he could not help me. It was decided by the Tumor Board, and my Gastroentolagist called me after i saw the doctor, who dumbed things down, He probably Told me, but I did not get it. My Gastroentolagist did NOT dumb things down. She told me I have a growing 2 cm. tumor in/on my liver, cancerous with Portal vein involvement. they are proposing a Y90 radiation placement into my liver with conscious sedation. this is scary enough. I want to fight this thing, I want to LIVE. However, the problem is, I am already on narcotics(Morphine) and I am VERY hard to put out - when I had my teeth done (Extractions) the Anesthesiologist could not believe I was still awake and coherent after 2 Lg. barrel's of Versed and I Lg. barrel of Fentanyl. one and 1/2 barrels later, I was out. took TWO hours to come out of it and yes, I had a NDE ( I had a choice - My LOVE for my wife prevailed). This is very scary, If I squirm, I could put my self in jeopardy. That , and I hate needles - they are not planning a biopsy. they just want to do the radiation. I have my doubts, I know my body, I don't think they have found all the cancer, My lymph nodes are swollen in my neck, I have a brain MRI scheduled, I am keeping the faith. I already have aching bones, RA, Depression, PTSD, severe back pain and neck, I am a crossroads., I want to live and am willing to fight. Death does not scare me. the manner does. So, There it is, I see the Doc's later, hopefully this week, but the VA moves slow. We shall see. I am praying, meditating and working on my breathing.
            Thank everyone, please pray for me, as to my so-called friends, well I think that say'd it all.
            Thank ya'll
            Blessings
            Alex44

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              #21
              ((((((Alex)))))) ~

              Here is a link to information about the y90 procedure:

              Only registered and activated users can see links., Click Here To Register... 0is%20a%20minimally%20invasive,vessels%20that%20fe ed%20a%20tumor.

              From this article, it appears that the procedure causes little pain. You should discuss your concerns about pain and what kind of sedation you will be given with your doctor. Perhaps, the doctor will increase your morphine dose, or give you IV morphine. Also discuss your anxiety and fears. I am certain that they have seen and heard everything from their patients, and they should have a way to perform the procedure where you feel relaxed and safe.

              And remember that you can do your breathing exercise, and meditating focusing on relaxing your body from head to toe. That has always worked for me and for Jim.

              What does your doctor say about your swollen lymph nodes?

              Do you have headaches, dizziness, blurred vision, vertigo? I think the MRI on your brain is to rule out metastasis. It may just be a cautionary measure or to provide a baseline for the future.

              Jim's neoplasm on his skull was labeled metastasis from lung cancer. But we strongly believe that it was caused by his last chemotherapy drug. Chemo can cause cancer, and this drug had a high risk rate of causing headaches. At least Jim's oncologist told him to tell her if he had headaches. He did immediately after his first infusion. She blew it off, and said, "It's probably your sinuses." Nope. Jim knew what those headaches felt like, and this wasn't his sinuses.

              He had 10 rounds of radiation, and the tumor disappeared.

              One of the questions we often asked Jim's physicians about any treatment was "How much time will this buy me?" They are reluctant to answer, but they know the odds from their experience with thousands of patients. Jim's first oncologist gave him "3 to 6 months" in January 2017. His second oncologist put Jim back on immunotherapy, and he surpassed that initial prognosis by 3 1/2 years.

              Of course, all of those 3 1/2 years were filled with appointments, tests, infusions, radiation treatments, hospitalizations, and anxiety. He endured all of that, because he didn't want to leave Jon and me.

              Jim and I found a support system among the cancer patients and their family members as we met in waiting rooms and hospital hallways. I encourage you to reach out to other cancer patients, whenever you encounter them. Smile, strike up a chat, and you will learn from each other and share a bond.

              When I was with Jim at his appointments, after Jon passed, I was astounded by how many people he knew at the medical center offices and the hospital. And they were all friends, who cared about each other and how each other was faring. We met the most awesome people. As soon as they met me, they all said, "Rose!" and shook my hand. They knew me from Jim's conversations about our family.

              This is important, Alex, because you are with other people, who are going through what you are going through, so they understand it all completely.

              You continue to be in my prayers, in my heart, and I am asking for strength, wisdom, Divine Guidance, and healing energy to surround you.

              Love & Light,



              Rose

              *Virtual Hugs Are Germ-Free!



              THANKS!

              Mom to Jon, 49, & Michael, 32, born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease. Angel Michael received his wings in 2003. Angel Jon received his wings in 2019. In 2020, Jim, their Dad, joined them.

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                #22
                Thank You Rose and Everyone.
                Blessed Be
                Alex44

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