houghchrst

this quitting smoking. I am off the wagon, being dragged behind it more like it. I am on my third cigarette in five hours which is a record for me. Not much choice as I have no tobacco or money or transportation. Brandon has been giving me tubes and a little tobacco. I desperately stuff the tubes by hand as I threw away my roller. so I am punishing myself for smoking basically so they are few and far between. Maybe I am meant to titrate down instead of cold turkey like last time. Talked to an older man who had quit smoking with the help of the patch. He had quit smoking like 4 times for long periods of time each time then finally quit with the patch. Maybe it is not the patch that makes me uber depressed when I am using it. Maybe it is just withdrawals. I have done withdrawals with my meds a ridiculous amount of times, one would think it would be recognized sooner as such. I just hate the uber depression. I am depressed most of the time as it is. I don't need it to be worse.

I am not sure I like this Trintellix. It makes me lazy. Uninspired. I feel like a lump. I am keeping up on the very basics with the main part of the house but I have other manual labor that needs to be done. Right now I am recovering from back injections and taking the weekend easy but I need to finish the patio and there is stuff in the yard that needs to be done. I am going to make Jared help me with some stuff maybe Sunday. Stuff that needs to be taken out to the road.

Back injections so far have been amazing. We'll see how long they last. He didn't say anything about coming back.