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Rough going

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this quitting smoking. I am off the wagon, being dragged behind it more like it. I am on my third cigarette in five hours which is a record for me. Not much choice as I have no tobacco or money or transportation. Brandon has been giving me tubes and a little tobacco. I desperately stuff the tubes by hand as I threw away my roller. so I am punishing myself for smoking basically so they are few and far between. Maybe I am meant to titrate down instead of cold turkey like last time. Talked to an older man who had quit smoking with the help of the patch. He had quit smoking like 4 times for long periods of time each time then finally quit with the patch. Maybe it is not the patch that makes me uber depressed when I am using it. Maybe it is just withdrawals. I have done withdrawals with my meds a ridiculous amount of times, one would think it would be recognized sooner as such. I just hate the uber depression. I am depressed most of the time as it is. I don't need it to be worse.

I am not sure I like this Trintellix. It makes me lazy. Uninspired. I feel like a lump. I am keeping up on the very basics with the main part of the house but I have other manual labor that needs to be done. Right now I am recovering from back injections and taking the weekend easy but I need to finish the patio and there is stuff in the yard that needs to be done. I am going to make Jared help me with some stuff maybe Sunday. Stuff that needs to be taken out to the road.

Back injections so far have been amazing. We'll see how long they last. He didn't say anything about coming back.


  1. Earth Mother 2 Angels's Avatar
    ((((((houghchrst)))))) ~

    What works for some doesn't always work for others. If you can taper off on smoking successfully, you won't need the patch. Or maybe you will need it, if the desire and withdrawals are too severe for you to tolerate.

    Try to find something to reward yourself for cutting down on smoking. Punishing yourself generates a negative feeling, so if you can find something to make you feel proud of yourself, that might help your depression.

    Maybe you could try visualizing your heart and blood pressure thanking you for not having that smoke. When you feel your heart beat, hear it saying, "Thanks Chris!" This may sound silly, but quitting anything means retraining your body and your mind to be grateful when you succeed.

    Great news that the back injections are working. I suggest you continue to rest your back, and don't lift or strain doing any kind of yard work. Definitely use Jared's youth and strength, and let him do the work. It will be good for him too. It will teach him responsibility and the importance of taking care of his home and helping his mother.

    Sending you strengthening and healing prayers. Stay strong! Be well!

    Love & Light,

  2. houghchrst's Avatar
    Thank you Rose for the support. Much needed.

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