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Been awhile

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since I have been here. almost a month. Not much has changed, I am still battling my pain though physical therapy's pain management help was wonderful. I want to get a new TENS unit. I know they are probably upgraded from my old one.

I am now months without a car. I feel totally helpless without it. I am stagnating in this house. All there is to do is clean and I am not a real cleaner. Doing general pickup is great and is done daily but getting down to the nitty gritty on your knees pulling your back type of scrubbing is beyond my abilities. Okay that is not totally true it is just that I know the pain it will cause so it rarely gets done. Oh wait, I have an 18yr old who is perfectly capable.

I am almost out of tobacco, I told Brandon that I was not buying another bag. I need to quit. My roller is broke so I never get a good cigarette and I am not getting a new one. I am going to have to make smoking such a hassle and so unpleasant that I am ready to get rid of it. I already wanna cry each time I roll a cigarette.

Yes Brandon and I made up or I should say he did, came to me crying and apologized. What he really needed was somebody to talk to and I'm all he has. His dad is worthless and his grandma he despises. He got to talk to his ex's daughter. He has been missing the kids something fierce. He was talking to her but he thinks she got caught because he hasn't heard from her in a few days and they were talking every day. Such a mess and a burden on him.

My health, well I am pretty scared. Looks like my innards are starting to bail on me just like my outards. Heart issues, vein issues, arterial issues. Cough all the time thanks to smoking.

I could make this my last day. Tomorrow is a monday, would be like a new start. Am I more scared to quit or scared of ruining my health.


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