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houghchrst

feeling

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incredibly light today. Brandon is gone. We had a fight that became a little physical over cereal and $10. I am fed up with walking on eggshells everyday because he's pissed off at the world all the time. He is paranoid, angry, ungrateful, self centered, suffering from delusions of entitlement. When he is okay we get along famously. Laugh, talk blah, blah, blah. but most of the time I have to talk and walk around his mood. During moments of insightful confessions he knows and acknowledges this. We laugh a little about it but I don't dare bring up how sick I am of tip toeing around him. It has always been this way. Dear God I love and hurt for that child but he needs some help. I know he knows it and wants it but there is no way for him to get it. I told him to get his stuff and get out. He obliged while I was napping. I didn't even realize he had left until the next day so he must have done it when I went and laid down. I think he expected me to cry and be all hurt and apologize for not getting his cereal right away, there was a misunderstanding on my part. Screw that! I am sick of his ****ty attitude. I'm bad but I am not that bad. So for the third day in a row I feel lighter and am getting little things done here and there.

The dish idea is working fabulously, I think I am ready to throw this half working dishwasher out the door. It will be my first time without one since about 1996. I despise doing dishes but washing a few is better than half washing a bunch and still needing to clean some again. It is a security blankie that is tattered and torn and ready for the trash. It replaced a child hood angst against doing dishes for three course meals for five people. Now with just me and Jared it is so much simpler to wash than to load and unload the dishwasher. Especially since I need a whole load for the dishwasher which makes a mess.

Finally started on laundry as I have done very little since B moved in downstairs. Feel like I was invading his privacy, so did he lol, that was another problem. Finish working on the basement and getting rid of stuff. I have been selling stuff on CL that I don't use or need to make a little money here and there and try to get rid of stuff. There is going to be a community rummage sale don't know if I will participate. I just got rid of a whole bunch of stuff and have been pretty steady. I have a box I am slowly filling that I keep by the door.

I am over my head in yard work. I am going to have to get some help but I dread asking my brother. Soon as we get a couple days where it isn't in the 90s I will have a fire and get rid of a lot of stuff out by the fire pit. No my fence isn't up yet. Been hot and these guys are no longer spring chickens and all are disabled in some way. The price of getting old I guess.

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