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Old 11-07-2007, 06:46 PM
hereandnow hereandnow is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 10
Default Lost boy

Some of you from the old forum will know my son Ross (cool_gadget) in some ways better than I know him.
Ross as a young child was a dream. He was very active, extremely bright, always happy and seemed to be good at everything he tried. Everyone he met loved him.
He excelled at school, at sport and at music. He was very popular and he was a loveable, well-behaved, happy child.
We noticed odd behaviours such as constant sniffing, throat-clearing, twitches etc but we put them down to lots of things.
At 11 I first suspected he might have Tourette's syndrome and a year later he was diagnosed.
Basically we were told he had TS, he was doing well, go off and forget about it- and we did.
Ross seemed to accept the diagnosis withoout a problem (obviously at that age he didn't understand it). We sent off for information, read it and thought "Ok but that's not our son he doesn't have those difficulties."
Ross went through a difficult time when he was about 15. We thought that it was just that teenage thing of feeling different compounded by the fact that he had tics, so we didn't take it too seriously. We did get him referred to a psychiatrist but he confirmed what we felt.
Ross tried to tell the dr that he thought he had OCD and that he had thoughts of self-harm and suicide. The dr still felt that there was no real problem and we trusted him.
Ross meanwhile was still doing well academically but had started dropping out of many of the other activities he did and showing some social anxieties. He also had a girlfriend. She is a lovely girl and I really did like her but the relationship was completely intense and they began shutting everyone else out and creating a world of their own.
Ross was still a model son and pupil but we felt we didn't really know him the way we knew our other two children. He was never moody or angry but it was as if he kept his feelings tightly under control.
Almost three years later his girlfriend ended the relationship and Ross' world fell apart. He had built it around her and without her his safe world no longer existed and he just couldn't cope.
He dropped out of school and stopped seeing most of his friends. He even went through weeks of staying in his bedroom and only coming out when everyone else was sleeping.
We tried to talk to him but it only made him withdraw more and we were terrified of pushing him over the edge.
We have had to go privately to get Ross psychiatric help and a year later we are in limbo.
Ross is still alive and ,as we now know that he has srongs compulsions to end his life, this is something we are thankful for every day.
He attempted going back to college but he just couldn't cope with "normality" and having to go out of the house on a daily basis.
He has a new girlfriend whom he sees about once a week and he plays a little football once a week with his dad. Occassionally we can get him to go shopping or out for something to eat.
Ross has now been diagnosed with OCD and dissociation- something I feel that his previous dr totally overlooked because we can see in hindsight that these have been present throughout his teens.
I look at photos of our family when Ross was growing up and my heart breaks when I look at the little boy we had then and I wonder where he went to. He was so enthusiastic and had such a thirst for life and fun and now he is troubled and anxious or else he appears to be living behind a mask.
His dr gave him medication that was supposed to "ground him" and put him in touch with how he was really feeling. He couldn't cope with that feeling. It was terrifying for him and us and I really feel we came close to losing him the weekend he was taking it.
Ross's tics are not so bad but they are there almost 24/7 which is exhausting for him. However it is the OCD and dissociation which seem to have taken over his life and left him in this limbo. He just cannot cope with thinking of the future so he refuses to talk about it.
I have cried rivers of tears alone over my "lost boy" I just worry so much about what will become of him.
I love Ross dearly but I feel that in not pushing for help earlier and believing that Ross knew what was wrong with him, I have in many ways lost my wonderful son.
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Old 11-12-2007, 11:16 AM
Tessa Tessa is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 27

Dear heareandnow,

My heart breaks and aches for you and your family. I think your name is the perfect and now! You can't undo the past and all that you did was done in care and the best interest of your son. We all have things that we wish that we could change and undo but life isn't like that. We learn and we move on. Many from the old board have had similar stories. I, too, had a "lost boy" who seems to have found himself again and is doing well but I do worry. I remember looking at boys his age and being angry, sad and resentful that my son wasn't one of them...happy and confident. He seems to be now but it has taken awhile.

All that you can do is love him and get him the help that he needs. You are doing both. He is making some progress....a new girlfriend and going out once a week. I'm sure that it seems like an eternity-each day-but that's all that any of us have, one day at a time.

There were times when I just hugged my son and told him that I loved him so much. I do think that it helped.

I wish I could find the words to comfort you and Ross. I know there are others who do, too.

I'm not sure if you are interested in copying your post to another forum but I know folks at Neurotalk know him, too, and would like to hear from you.


Please give him a hug from me and keep in touch.

Take care,
Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

— Michael Leunig
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:33 PM
The Dude The Dude is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,263

God bless you!!!!!!!!

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Old 11-15-2007, 11:40 PM
spitball spitball is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 49
Default Hi

Hi- I am sorry to learn about the long journey you and your family have been going through. You are a wonderful parent and are doing everything you can. Your son is fortunate to have a loving parent(s) as I am. Best of wishes.
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Old 11-29-2007, 09:47 AM
Tattle Tattle is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 6

Dear HereandNow: My heart breaks for you.. I'm so so sorry that you and your son have to go through this.

Its so upsetting that we as parents now something isn't right. So we take our babies to a DR. someone who is to put ease to our minds and sometimes it seems like they just want to push things under the rug.

We have done the samething, we started going to Dr. when my son was in teh 4th grade due to the fact he was bobbing his head all the time. After many test they tell us its a form of Epilepsy (sorry ms) and not to worry about it, because he will grow out of it. We took the Dr. word and dropped it only to have things get worse and worse. He is now in the 8th grade and the told us last spring that its not Epilepsy but its Tourettes. GGRRRRRRRRRRR We wasted all this time, and who suffers but "OUR" kids.

Please know that I'm thinking of you and praying for your son

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