"Dr. Dad" is at it again!

[dhouston]

Really I think that your Dad is worried about you, but doesn't know how to show it. He is probably from the same generation that my Dad is from, the one where they just don't know how to show emotion or how to be tender. This could be the only way that he knows how to be. Life is too short. Find something for your Dad to do at that time so he is preoccupies when it is time to take your meds. I just don't think that you really want to play his game. Good luck

[betty anne]

BTW, how do you "ignore" someone who literally gets in your face about this??

I wouldn't ignore it. I would say something. Now, I was going to offer some good advice on what to say to your father, but I decided to quote a wiser person, instead.

You might try this:

Dad, My biggest problem with all of this is that I don't see here it's any of your business how I take my pills.

I don't tell you how to take your medicine. Why do you feel you have the right to tell me how to take mine?

"Exclamation Points" are removed, to try to "soften" the conversation. Good Luck!

Betty Anne

[Braindrain]

I'm definitely going to have a talk with my neuro about my father. Whether
my father actually listens is another story entirely.

My father's Italian-he's very good at showing emotion. It just so
happens that they're all negative emotions.

We'll see what happens when I take the pills tomorrow night. I'm getting
ready to take them now and he's not here-yippee!

[spitball]

Hi- I don't know if this is legal, but you should not have to go through this. If possible, audio tape your Father. Play it to your Neurologist. Now it is your Neuro's ethical dilemma how to handle the situation. Or, if you are more comfortable, play it for your father-just make sure you have an extra copy at the Neuro's office. Maybe he has no idea just what he sounds like. Best of luck.

[Braindrain]

I thought about audio taping him, but I need to buy a mini-recorder, first.
As for whether it's legal or not, I don't really care anymore. Between his
attitude toward my medical problems (some of which I inherited from him)
and my mother's smoking when she knows I have asthma, this house is
not a healthy environment for me.

Oh, yes, and the latest is that the phone bills are too high-he wants to
get rid of the phones and just use the cell phones. Of course, the reason
the phone bills are high is because we have DSL. When we had the cable
internet, that bill was high, too. His solution: get rid of the computer and
the phones-he doesn't need them. Notice, the emphasis is on what he needs.

It's like I've said before: all he cares about is money.

[spitball]

If moeny is what motivates your Father (I hope I am not taking things out of context, forgive me if I am): You don't have to answer me, but is your Father claiming you as a dependent on his tax returns? If yes, he is getting a credit for Federal and State Income Tax. If not, and he can claim Head of Household, that is a bigger credit than single status. In essence, you might be saving him money on taxes-for several years if applicable. Do you have access to a public library? Perhaps they would let you borrow a recorder and you would have to pay for the tape. Either that, or if you have a friend who has the permission to change their answering machine message, call your friend when your Father is having a bad day responding to your medicine. Let them know ahead of time to push the Record button for the message. Have the friend call your Doctor's office, and play the message. Most importantly, prioritize your health first. It is easy for me to suggest these things, but I just want to help you. Would your Grandmother and Father be offended if you asked how much a package of cigarettes cost? Or is that a necessity? If they are opposed to taxes, perhaps you could find out how much the tax is on the cost of cigarettes. You will get through this-I have confidence in you.

[Kinster]

I apologize if this is an over-simplification, but why not move out and escape his critical comments?

It seems unlikely that you're going to change him this late in his life. I suspect he's always been judgmental, and isn't about to change no matter what you or your neurologist says.

I liken it to trying to make a statement that will change a bigot's hate into acceptance.

Try to find a way to extricate yourself from this negative influence. He may also feel that he's within his rights to direct your life because you live under his roof and depend on him.

[Braindrain]

I'd love to move, but since I only get $600+ from SSDI and I can't even
afford Medicare, I'd have to find some other type of medical/prescription
coverage, plus 2 roomates who:

don't smoke (I have asthma)

don't b!tch about my part of the rent money (it's hard to contribute a lot
when I don't get a lot)

know about hydrocephalus and epilepsy, so they know what to do in an
emergency.

So, basically, I'm looking for 2 nurses/nursing students.

Of course, if the amount of SSDI was based on individual need, instead of
how long a person works, I wouldn't have a problem paying for anything.

I "love" how people who work 30-40 years get pensions and Soc. Security,
and nobody questions their right to benefits, but people who can't work due
to medical conditions get barely enough money to live off of.

I've been on SSDI since '98 and I still can't afford to move out or sign up
for Medicare.

[CoolAngel28]

Gina,

Quick question..What's your Mom's take on all of this?? Surely,she's on your side about some of it??

(Guys,quick side note,I'm Gina's friend from the Hydro board..CoolAngel28,but,decided to post here.)

K.

[Braindrain]

My mother's "take" on all of this is that I can't live on my own, because I
"can't take care" of myself. (Her words).

Did I mention that she's transferring $150 of my money to my father every
month, for medical insurance? Why is she doing this? Because it's costing
my father lots of $$$ to keep me on his insurance. Hello! If I was getting
more money a month, I'd be able to afford the Medicare deduction!

How about this one: I had to stop giving my father money for my so-called
insurance for several months, because I needed the money to pay for my
physical therapy sessions and the week I spent in the hospital. He b!tched
and moaned about how he "wasn't getting any co-operation" from me. Now,
I ask you: what's more important, my health and medical bills, or his bank
account?!

I needed the physical therapy because I was having trouble with my
walking. (partly due to hydro and partly due to spinal problems-which I
inherited from my father. I spent a week in the hospital because I couldn't
breathe-due to my asthma. Did my mother quit smoking? No, she has no
intention of quitting and resents people who tell her she should quit.

This is how my parents "take care of me".