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  #71  
Old 06-24-2008, 02:39 PM
Toad Toad is offline
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Default twenty two more from past, not in any order...

Many of these lack the context of the threads they were often composed for, however I did say I would “do my best” getting all the ‘poems’ (for lack of a better word in some cases) back on our forum (the last eight years). So here is a group of them, working on next group… for those who have been around awhile, you may recognize, the very first one ‘is’ in here.



here I sit

Here I sit with mouse over "post reply",
though waiting for.. how can I?
Since I think my brain.. does not function,
crazy, forgetful, and broken junction.
So how can help with any answer?
all I wish is to.. simply help her.
Maybe it would help to know,
she is not alone.. I too get snowed.

todd



Forest Fire

Within our hearts pounds a great desire,
to live our life's much like a forest fire,
not to be stopped by wind nor rain,
not to have our life’s be in vain.
To feel the life within topple trees,
to bring lives troubles to there knees.
To have sense of some direction,
not to be bent by one deflection.
Whip through the hills as though our last charge,
race through fields like a lion at large.
Advance through our lives deepest fears,
without the memory to bring any tears.

todd


Could they tell

Could they tell
That I was out for a spell,
All that I know is shaken,
Much more it seems has been taken.
Remorse for the loss
Anguish from the toss
Where my body had been,
My feet have not

todd


common ground

what comes to mind is not so fine,
through this converse are words of sign,
which brings this family to distress,
should not be words said that regress.
We share things that we dare not air,
the things that make us all despair.
So how do we find common ground,
that which we love and here have found,
though lost at times can we dispense,
with that which makes all defense.

todd


bit by bit

Bit by Bit
My words, broken,
are not spoken,
speak of things,
a seizure brings.
a well known fear,
seems so near,
breaks me apart,
down to my heart.
Where I go,
I do not know,
what this one may take,
do not mistake,
seems dear to me,
can you not see?

todd


as the groundhog does

As the groundhog does, but once a year,
I do now crawl up and peer,
Not from something that I fear,
Rather in hope the end is near,
A different season seen quite clear

todd


As I sit and take glancing blows

As I sit and take glancing blows,
what is changes as thought pain grow,
time shifts what is real,
what is I do not feel,
with the twist of my senses,
they tear down all my defenses,
lurching about, which way next,
one wonders if they are hexed.
Is this real?

todd


and yet I wonder

And yet I wonder,
How I do blunder,
What do others see
Of that side of me?
Do they know or does it show?
Do they care how I may fair?
When sorrow fills my heart and mind,
I know that part has left me blind.
What it takes cannot be calculated,
As long as my precautions are not belated.

todd


Absence makes the mind grow yonder

Absence makes the mind grow yonder

Further from my base my soul
Departing threads unravel thoughts
Spiraling reminders of what has not been known
Awareness as if for the first time--
Shattered without effort nor foreknowledge.

Barring what is me foreseen
Rather the state in which I find--
Tranquil while nothing known

The bough breaks,
Mind falls,
Scattered to the wind
Coming to rest, partialed, over yonder.

todd


A letter I would write

A letter I would write,
though despite the fight,
That dwells within,
Would run me quite thin.
For words it does seem,
I do not lack, make me beam,
Can fill up the space,
Of that I distaste.

Todd


a gift you've given me

a gift you've given me

a moist eye you bring,
in words that sing,
within my heart,
a wondrous start.
know that when,
responses have been,
left for me,
my mind does see.
words that bring,
my heart to sing.
why we care,
how you do fair,
seems clear to us,
hence all the fuss.
We love you dear,
wish you did not fear,
if we could send more than a hug,
would that give your heart a gentle tug?
So we might know how you are,
and help you though you may seem far

todd


a bit of mail

a bit of mail
though it does pale
to how I feel
my head does reel
to say that I was not sure
of this demure young lady
would be to say
I dislike every day
Since this is no so
Felt that you should know
That you have touched within
And I did not see you coming in
Yet I smile
With a passion that I though I hid
Then why is it with you alone I slid?

todd


How does one express

How does one express,
what’s within causing distress?
when it takes over, what it leaves,
simply leaves me Bereaved.
Feel I have run for many days,
malnutrition from this craze.
Rest would come if they would stop,
Stay, though it seems, to damage the crop,
won’t leave much come harvest time,
What this does seems such a crime.

todd


Interpretive thought

Interpretive thoughts, on my mind.
For what it is we think, can cause a bind,
Twist until what we think of is another,
When love between us, thoughts of each other,
Is what is really needing distinction,
Rather than the thought of its extinction.
Love starts as a seed, in a garden.
growing as does a desire for guarding.
Though once a fear of its demise,
Has crossed before our very eyes,
The growing love though once a seed,
Draws other thoughts, as if weeds.
Love is a relationship, as water is to a plant.
With only one,
no love to grow,
no garden to tend,
and without knowing it,
something inside does not become.
One does not live without the other.
We two should be but one.

Todd


Is there a pulse?

I wish for those I cannot see
To appear in text in front of me
If only for an ear to bend
And more so if they need to mend

This blend of lines before my eyes
Bewilders thoughts before they fly
Contextual placards eluding sight
Befuddles mind in downward plight

Pillars of support
Contort apart in layers
Years of many retorts
Sported in threads
Thriving historically
Rhetoric striving
To live beyond rhetorical


todd


"It Is Just"

No it is more than just.
I want to land and
I do not understand most people.
Why so any of us?
How so me?
When I can not find words.
Hard, crushing, shattering, physical presents
Charred and done.
I can not close my eyes.
This is.

todd


it is not the E

it is not the E,
i blew out my knee.
takes a few times to try,
when hopping toward the sky,
to get the step just right,
then get the body into flight,
for i do not want to fall,
at this rate i soon will crawl.
though surgery was eminent,
falling down on what felt like cement,
hurt.

todd


I can run and hide

I can run and hide,
still this peels the skin from hide.
Though what is this I do not see,
which hits so hard I wish to flee,
blindsided out of the dark,
stripped as though a tree of its bark.
gone it seems are tools I need,
as deeper hits until I bleed.
What I do not see inside breeding catastrophe,
could take away all, the least I atrophy.

Todd


I do all that I am able

I do all that I am able,
Though feel as though always at the table,
I sit and remember what I want to accomplish,
Though my mind has plans

todd



I feel it in the air

I feel it in the air
I do so want to write and share
that which is in my mind
I can learn to make it shine
for what the pain does bring
can surly make it sing
I do not pretend to understand

my friend you do not see
that which is happening to me
the depth in which I write
does not put it in your sight
the pain it pushes me out
I cringe in pain this is how I shout
what I wish for soon will come
I should get some help from someone

todd


I have a life

I have a life,
so do not strife,
though one day I would like a wife.
For now I see,
that two make three,
what must I do to have this be?
Though with my E,
it is hard for me,
to sell that which I used to be.

todd


I know not how

I know not how.. you really are,
only that you... are somewhat far.
If I could make... a wish for you,
you are sure to know... that.. which I would do.
Not all things in your life... are as you want,
if it were a game... I would suggest you punt.
Though it is not... and this is real,
I think I know... just how you feel,
though not the same... we row side by side,
there is no need... for you to hide,
I want for you... to still feel the fire,
that makes life such... a wondrous desire.

todd



I know not what I want to say

I know not what I want to say
Only that words,
Shall come my way.
I’ve come back to earth,
In quite a daze,
My head and thoughts
In a thick haze.
Better than four hours,
Meant to be in bed,
Carpet pulled out from under,
With nothing said.
The pulse of simple’s,
Still through my veins,
Removes the comfort,
Keeps most of my thoughts,
In deep pains.
With this why does a smile,
Grow on my face?
For now I am aware,
They have slowed their pace.

Todd



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toad
“The memory of no memory; what a way to forget..” toadism
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  #72  
Old 06-24-2008, 04:53 PM
Toad Toad is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 644
Default another cluster... had not seen some of this in seven years

I live in fear

i live in fear
of a little dear
whose play on words
the sounds of birds
her heart she shares
and when she dares
she'll tease a bit
make me a twit
do not get me wrong
i love this song.

todd


I see far into the depths

I see far into the depths,
Within my mind, as I wept,
What once I knew was so true,
I know not what is, as it goes through.
I have but only one wish I pose,
That once it is over, a gentle close.

todd



I strive to find a life to enjoy

I strive to find a life to enjoy,
and find with tools that I deploy,
that much of what has hindered me,
can be cut down much like a tree.
Though once limbed and bucked it still must dry,
before burnt and sending smoke into the sky.
From this I see what burdens us,
will soon be nothing but some dust.
Do not be fooled and think of this,
as something that any would miss.
For much like the tree it cuts into to me,
and I will always wish it would let me be.
Know that the tools of which I speak,
were gifts from my doc when life seemed bleak.

todd



I tried to visualize your last post

I tried to visualize your last post and I am sure I caused a rip in the space time continuum or I sz.
Either way not today,
for I have not what I was taught,
tomorrow may be the day for me,
my breath I hold till I am sold,
can you not see it is happening to me?
What must I do to tell to you,
that I am seized and am not pleased.


Todd


I want to stand upon that shore

I want to stand upon that shore,
bare foot and feel my toes in deep sand,
wash the ocean water through my hands,
see the sun as it sets,
no thoughts of any simple frets,
ponder of not a single thing,
as graceful flight on gull's wing.

Todd



I want to make you

I wanted to make you.. a clever ryme,
though seem to have.. so little time.
thing is I felt.. it might bring a smile,
if this might be.. it is worth the while.
So off I go spinning words.. about your seizure,
with only one reason.. to try and please her,
who has had a hard day.. and needs a rest,
though this is a ryme.. in that I do not jest.
I hope you know.. this is not to impress,
Though high hope I have.. that it reduces stress!

todd




I wish to know the answers not the questions

I wish to know the answers, not questions,
To find these, would be my soul intentions.
I once wanted to write a rhyme,
Told was I it comes with time.
Now I find that most of it,
Came because my head got hit.
I know I have a lot to learn,
But do not know which way to turn.
If you know which way to road,
Please let me know, my name is Toad.

todd



I would love to see standardization

I would love to see standardizations that would take more of the populations needs into consideration.
Strange that I find enjoyment when finding another who sees all of this and that. The “you are not alone” syndrome. I also wish you did not.


Could it be that what we see
Others do not take seriously?
As it effects detrimentally,
Strikes at us mentally,
Turns us off and rips our minds,
Without care though we show signs.
It’s not as if this is new,
Though I wonder if many knew,
Would this change effectively
Aspects of technologies, respectively?
Or is it just the bottom line?

todd



if life were but a book to read

if life were but a book to read,
then much of what we all need,
could be found simply in a page,
and make us feel as though in a cage.
can the meaning be found in a book?
if this is so have i mistook,
that life is like a roadmap,
the road we take can be rough as crap.
i do not mean to sound cynical,
for our roads need medical,
this can take our drive away,
and keep all that we want at bay,
simply with the drugs we take,
to dull the hit our seizure's make.

todd




if not sooner...

A page in red,
tells all that's said,
though one that's blue,
will be new to you.
to read it all may seem extreme,
though doing this reveals its not a dream.
to post within can show much more,
for what you may learn will not bore.
and once you add that which you have learned,
I hope you find the place you have yearned.

todd



in short time this fit takes over me

In short time this fit takes over me,
Takes away all that I could see,
I cannot find within me to respond,
To those who ask were I have gone.
I wish to fight,
I wish to flee,
Though only hope
I do not pee,
My muscles strain
Though I feel no pain,
The struggle reminds me
That I still remain.
As though a bomb
Set to explode,
My seizure takes all
Till I implode.
Once I have recovered a bit,
I only hope for no more fits.

todd




Infancy

as twilight slips away,
giving way to night, gone is the day,
reflections of what has been,
stream throughout my mind.
a women's interest it seems I seek,
within her mind I need a peek,
to see if what she looks to find,
is that which is within my mind.
and if by chance that is a start,
for what is found within our hearts.

todd



interesting the way in which words form in my head

A letter I would write,
though despite the fight,
That dwells within,
Would run me quite thin.
For words it does seem,
I do not lack, make me beam,
Can fill up the space,
Of that I distaste.

todd



long ago my hands left

Long ago my hands left and did not work,
Many doctors I saw, diagnosis by the book,
Years I did spend in the system of fools,
Help I had not, money spent would buy jewels.
Soon did my mind decide to follow suit,
To a shrink they sent me, crazy to boot.
Yet found did he that crazy I was not,
Seizures he says, though in this he was not taught.
Why then did it take many doctors to not see,
That clearly this was not to be called insanity?

todd



Love unopened

what once I knew
seems so blue
for gone it seems
the life of dreams
that which I was
I want because
what was was me
that much I see
where life will go
I do not know
though love I seek
though all seams bleak
to share with one
will she still come?

todd



Justification in print

Something about in the ink of pages
which I love,
and have been doing far more
of this book reading again.
within a binder,
within found words,
which describe what it is I live everyday,
and quite literally takes my breath away,
leaving me with a sense of self worth,
for it is not in me alone,
an unexplained revealed,
and better, the boost in ones confidence.
To find part of me written of,
Found in words, written of another.


Todd



Last night

Inside awakens remembered thoughts,
Though not so as I would remember,
Only to be distracted,
By the smell of burning rubber,
This phantom smell on which I dwell,
Shattered by a blow out of the dark,
Simultaneously my soul in many places,
Each portion baring remnants visually,
Each one stored upon the other,
Confusion binds pure thought,
Leaving nothing in its spot,
Expected maybe so,
I still wish they would go.

Todd



leaving late one night

Leaving late one night from the house of one I wish to know better
Leaving on a ride toward home with a smile full of hopes
Leaving as the road opens filled with the cool nights air
Leaving behind a part that he wished he had shared
Leaving though knowing he would return soon as could be
Leaving the road avoiding certain death from a car
Leaving the ground as the bike slides from view
Leaving my mind as consciousness takes a blow
Leaving sockets as bones travel where they should not
Leaving pieces across the road and sidewalk
Leaving as seeing the star filled night sky
Leaving as loved ones pass me and cry
Leaving as a tunnel becomes all that’s seen
Leaving for no breath left for my body it seems
Leaving though in pain this is not what I want!
Fighting for breath that eludes me
Fighting for life that seems to be fading
Fighting for loved ones who care and would miss
Fighting for this was not what I would wish
Out as I tried, failed it seemed
Out of the world for which existed for me.
Back with a surge of air for my lungs
Back with the pain the cost matters not
Back to the ground as my back no longer supports
Alive though I left, fought, lost, was out and then back.
Years later life’s road is not as smooth as
the one tried taking it away
Years later I have not what was me so I thought
Years later is found that life is what you make of it
Years later I learn what years before I was taught
Years later it seems what was taught must be fought for and won.
Carpediem, and ok with that, for the alternative cost to much.

todd




Let us just call this one of ‘those’, this is where 'I was' when 'it' happened.


Hard sz so I think, feels like a shower of microscopic pieces of metal falling through my brain and I am aware only of the last second of life, 5-10 times per second, over and over. Part of me is still able to talk, but only slightly, walking very difficult.
Sitting, shower still hard, neck soar holding against the pressure for so long. Then I lost time. I know the dog was on the floor when I went out, when I came to she was on my lap, somewhat comfortable. This for her means turning around twenty or better times. Just out. I was aware that I needed to be in recliner at least. Thing is this is no improvement, though I suppose still could be side effect of raising dose, 1800mg now.
I am ok, still sz but use to it, you know?
this is hard, tired more than anything, confused only sorta here. brain is being rattled. Heard that somewhere in a string. It is true, only sometimes we are talking many feet at once.

Todd

January 23, 2001 09:47 PM



let us not forget

let us not forget,
our favorite little pet.
Who brought us so much joy,
more fun than any toy.
Through the good and bad,
they make us truly glad,
we spent our time with them,
until the very end.
Just remember this,
to send them with a kiss.
When you do this they will know,
you loved them, and made it show.

todd




Line out of time

A contorted world has begun,
shapes out of air,
twists as was seen,
slid out-- crash.
All the while,
Remember this, never be.
Is known what is not?
Twists my soul inside,
Body which resists,
Feel from wrenching sensation not seen.
Torment driven stakes,
crashing throughout my brain,
twisted neck,
pulled and pushed,
though neither felt,
confusion of broken thoughts,
order still unknown.

Todd



Many moment I cherish


Many think they know me by what I have,
Others may think by what I do not.
Few see beyond, that which ails,
Others wisdoms lead to tall tails,
For some see only with eyes that are closed,
Others could not smell it on their nose.
Yet still are some, who care to see,
And show they are not just to be,
Merely an acquaintance.

Todd




Miss-guided

Not knowing where these words shall lead
Tumbling mind forms each keystroke
Whilst being in this year to leap
One aught to follow suit

Whilst in such type of mind set
In words don coat of armor
Proudly shine upon this day
As leaping be my honor

Easily prodded doth I leap
Upon my gallant lily pad
In the saddle as it were

With toad-el disregard toward
Dismal emotional array
Proudly float quite gallantly
Upon my green steed
Leafing confines of wall
Toward a leap without a chute
Squish may well be the word.

Todd



moments

one who knows,
when sorrow grows,
finding strength for more,
leaves one feeling poor.
once I thought,
Though not as taught,
That cash was wealth measured…
before pain had been endured.
Thus would ones wealth
Be measured by health?
not as you might suppose,
Moments, I value those.

Todd



Mush

I would but if I could
Move from where stood,
For hope to dodge this storm.

Wreaking havoc breaks stride
Finds of me where I did hide
Peeling layers of my thought
Synapse abandonment—rot.

What of me left to be
Whilst known to me before,
Leaves as commanded so—
But dog harnessed to sleigh
With mind turned mush, its ‘stead.

Todd

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toad
“The memory of no memory; what a way to forget..” toadism
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  #73  
Old 11-11-2008, 07:12 PM
moomoo moomoo is offline
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Posts: 11
Default

A great big moo for you toad! That is some great stuff!
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  #74  
Old 04-14-2009, 10:54 PM
Toad Toad is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 644
Default 'if' my notes are correct, I wrote this quite recently

thank you again moomoo, hope you received my previous thanks via pm.


here is another one:

Torsional directive

Slid of me
From where I be
To seemingly
From where I see,
Crumbled sense
Becomes the mess
Before my eyes,
Compounded lies
Entwine my mind.
Bounded binds,
Struggle diminished,
Till I am finished.
What slid of me
Now what I see—
In effect my qualm,
Ineffable quality
In resemblance only.
For this is not
The vessel I left;
Or was the elusion deft?
Apparition a mirage—
Manifest delusion.
Implausible to digest—
This seeming jest
With a twisted directive


Todd
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toad
“The memory of no memory; what a way to forget..” toadism
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  #75  
Old 05-28-2010, 05:15 PM
Toad Toad is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 644
Default fresh first draft... just now

Chaos

Clipper was I born upon or
Clipped from once I stood,
As if my stance upon the ice
Slid from where understood,
Spun beyond frail reality
No wherewithal remains to stand,
Face against the cool ice supporting me
As frail as what I have become,
For as with season change
Ice once organized—turbulent,
This mind seized in organized,
Chaos returns of me.

Todd
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“The memory of no memory; what a way to forget..” toadism
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